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Concerned about my exes new partner and an announcement to move

(4 Posts)
SteCeety Fri 12-May-17 13:07:09

I'm very concerned about my ex girlfriend's new boyfriend and wondered if anyone here is in a similar situation or has advice to offer before I officially act and go via authorities.

My ex is a whole other story. She's angry, entitled, has dubious ethics and goes from one disaster to the next. She also constantly swaps arrangements with childcare and regularly manages to interupt my work and social plans doing so. She is also rude to my partner. She's incredibly difficult to deal with but when the chips are down it's always me who gives her a shoulder to cry on, pays her rent, debts, does her DIY etc, basically I dig her out of her mess to ensure there's a roof over my child's head still.

She's met a new guy and he's even more dubious. He's in the middle of a sticky divorce, has two Facebook profiles and is just generally strange.
I'm civil to them both but I'm starting to get more and more worried about him.
Firstly he doesn't have the decency to even acknowledge me or bother to comes across as polite. Moreso, I know they both have multiple sexual partners and are into torture, BDSM etc. Which is down to them, it's their private life. However, when I go To her house there's often whips and chains hanging around, as well as hundreds of empty alcohol bottles and cans, cigarette (possibly spliff) ends stubbed out in sinks, on the side etc.
Recently he has decided he has to move away with his child (his ex is apparently exactly how I described my ex above, ironically) because his ex is taking his child away. My ex has decided she wants to go with him. She came round to my house crying saying how awful it was for his ex to move away like this and then in the next breath told me she's going to do the same to me. She failed to see the hypocrisy.
I'm fuming.
I live with my partner of nearly two years, we have a lovely relationship (She's literally the love of my life, I've never loved anyone like this), a nice stable home environment and my son gets on with her son beautifully.
My ex lives very near and it's been great for my son to know both his parents can both take him out together and that he'll be going to the school near our house. Previously she lived far away and my son became distant with me and didn't want to be at my house. After she moved nearer everything improved, now she wants to move him three hours drive away and put him in a different school. This will make it very difficult for me to be fully a part of his life, his schooling etc. When he gets older he might not want to see me when he could be spending weekends and holidays with his school friends. I don't accept being an occasional parent, I want to be fully involved in his life.

Can anyone offer advice on how to tackle this? Approaching her isn't really an option, she's so self absorbed she'll just fly into a rage and make it even more difficult for me and my son.
I would like to know how I can get a background check on her ex and I'd also like to know what my options are of she tries to move away. My name is on the birth certificate and I have parental responsibility.
Thanks ( sorry this was a bit of a long one!)

RaggyAnn Fri 12-May-17 13:09:34

Clair's law should help with checking him out for previous DV issues. The police will only tell you if there is something to tell.

Do you have a child arrangement order in place or is it ad hoc?

SteCeety Fri 12-May-17 13:17:17

No arrangement. We agreed 50/50 childcare verbally.
Including authorities so far would send her into a rage and make the situation worse.
She's a difficult person.
I'm looking into Sarah's Law but it'd only show if he has convictions, there's a chance he hasn't been caught.
I'm thinking a private detective could be in order? As long as it's all kosher.

CeramicLettuce Fri 09-Jun-17 18:22:54

Prohibited Steps Order if you have concerns about wellbeing of your child or concerns about schooling - will they be moved to a less good school, for example? You can apply for a PHO to prevent her from leaving whilst things get sorted.

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