Just some background.....
Dp's ex & teen kids live together in town A. Dp also maintains a house there so he can have his kids at the weekend.
Dp is self employed & works around the country but has a main depot in town C which is 200 miles from town A & this is where he spends most of his working week.
I live in town C which is roughly 140 miles from Dps depot & 60 miles from Dps kids.
Dps ex never wanted to move nearer his depot & even when together Dp would be away most of the week & back at weekends.
Dps ex is a sahm & has never worked. She has also told Dp she has no intention of working. They have no formal access agreement but when divorcing they agreed that Dp would continue to work as he always has & see the kids at weekends only.
Dp provides all their maintenance & also pays for her house & car. He takes the kids on all their holidays/weekends away & pays for all their extras such as school trips.
When I met him he would see his kids Friday to Sunday or Saturday to Sunday (depending on work) every weekend. The only thing that has changed is that most Friday nights he now spends with me. He gets up early every Saturday morning & then travels to town A to see his kids.
He will also spend time with me mid week if work permits. He never got into the habit of seeing his kids midweek as he would only get to them about 8:30 which is too late to pick them up on school nights.
Now the issue is this - Dp is wrecked & I am really quite worried about him as he is about himself. He often works 12 hour days, works 5 days a week & then has his kids the other two days. He has very little free time & no down time.
He recently suggested to the kids that he take 2 half Friday's every month & that he then see them eow from school pick up to Sunday evening, & they were not happy; gave him a really hard time about access & blamed me! The eldest two are 14 & 17 & he explained to him that him not seeing them mid week is not my fault but is the 'fault' of his work & that the only thing that had changed since meeting me was the odd Friday night. He nicely pointed out that if he doesn't work their standard of living drops & that there will be less money aside for uni etc.
His ex quite literally sits back & does nothing for herself & this attitude seems to have filtered down to the kids - they expect everything from him - money & time & he is run ragged. The older two have given up all their hobbies & never do anything with friends at the weekend which I think is some of the problem - i.e. they are depending on Dp for all their weekend entertainment & if Dp is not around they just sit at home playing ex box. They also refuse to come here any weekend (they think my kids are weird) which would at least mean I could share the pick ups (ex won't drop them anywhere).
Dp & I know the situation isn't ideal & know we have to suck up a lot of stuff - but what happened when someone's health is suffering? Dp is trying to negotiate with them but is met with a brick wall constantly.
He had to work yesterday (Saturday) which is rare admittedly & stopped off with me at 11 last night. He was then up at 6 this morning to drive to town A to collect his kids & then drive them another 100 miles to his brothers for a family occasion that his 11 year old didn't want to miss. He will drive another 100 miles back this evening & will then have to drive another 200 miles tomorrow morning to be in work for 7:30.
I'd really appreciate insight from anyone who many have experienced similar regarding the geographical/logistical aspects of access. Dp desperately wants to do right by his kids in all ways but he's at the end of his rope.
For the record Dp does not work to also support me - I am financially independent.
I also realise that this may not be the board for this but as his OH I'm struggling to give advice re a situation that involves his kids if you get what I mean, as my own situation with my ex & my kids is very different. I feel his kids are manipulating him quite a lot but maybe this is natural and/or maybe I'm wrong.
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Dp exhausted from juggling work & access
71 replies
Magda72 · 23/04/2017 11:41
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