Hi,
This is my first post here so please be easy on me! Im looking for some advice/ reassurance that as a step mum i
m doing an ok job.
I am a step mum to a wonderful little girl who is 6, i like to think we have a good relationship.
I have been with my now husband for 4 years, in the beginning i had little contact with my darling stepdaughter and we gradually built this up over time.
Bio mum is in the picture and to begin with made life difficult, which i understand as it must be horrible to know your child is spending time with another women. We are on civil terms now and husband has contact on a need to know basis.
For the last 2 years step daughter has lived with us 4 days a week, prior to this my husband worked nights so it was 3 days a week. We are technically her primary carer, husband does not pay child allowance because of this, but mother still claims child tax benefits. On the days step daughter is with her mum, she quite often ends up at her nans house or staying and additional day at ours due to bio mums work commitments.
Dont get me wrong i know bio mum loves her daughter and that step daughter loves her bio mum and i would never worry for her welfare whilst she is in bio mums care, but she just doesnt strike me as the maternal type and really dosent seemed that fussed about the time she misses out on. Never asking to have daughter for additional days when she can.
We buy step daughter everything, we pay for all her school equipment, passport, holiday care and obviously all the necessities she has in our home.
My step daughter calls me by first name other than when explaining our family dynamic to others or to her friends where im referenced to as step mum.<br /> <br /> My husband works an hour away from where we live and start work early so is gone before step daughter wakes up on school days. I am the one that lays her clothes out on the radiator, gets her up, does breakfast, hair and face wash before dropping her at a before school club and then picking her up from an after school club. I also work full time close to step daughter school.<br /> <br /> Bio mum does not tend to go to the majority of school event so i go if she isn't, step daughter gets upset if no one can go. I am polite to the other mums at school when i see them and have organised play dates with a few of them during the half terms. <br /> <br /> I also buy my step daughter clothes, play dolls with her, bake cakes with her, read bedtime stories, take days off work to cover childcare during the holidays and so on.<br /> <br /> I guess i would like to know if other mums think i
m over stepping my boundaries? Should i be going to school events when her mum cant, which is most of the time? Should i be trying to forge relationships with her friends mums, should i be doing all the things a mum would do, when im well aware im not her mum.
I love my step daughter as if she were my own, me and husband dont have any children of our own, although we are currently expecting our first.
I dont introduce myself as step mum, if anything its
dads wife`.
I guess im doubting my self a bit and would be great to hear about the relationships others have with their step children when bio mum is still involved but not the primary care giver.
Thank you :)
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12 replies
Mumtoobe1991 · 21/04/2017 11:43
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