Partner's son is cruel to my pets

[Yorkshiiiire88]

I've been with my partner for 2 years and he has two little boys aged 5 and 7. I have a 10 year old daughter. We don't live together.

Initially it was fun to go for the odd day out but as we all spend more time around each other, particularly at my house, the behaviour of my partner's eldest son is more and more unsettling. The younger one is a bit naughty but in more of a cheeky playful way and that's fine. The older child is malicious.

Any room he walks into he will pick up 'a weapon'. We went to a party and he picked up a glass bottle and waved it in another kid's face. A woman took it from him but he picked if straight back up. He did the same thing to my cat with a dinner knife. I also walked into the room this weekend and he had piled books, ornaments and other things onto my little kitten and was waving his hands in her face (I'd left them alone for less than a minute). I've seen him hiss at my cats, kick at them and generally tease them and be cruel. He tried to force feed my cat a shell and at a petting farm this weekend he tried to trick a donkey into eating a rock by hiding it in some food. I hate that sort of thing and Ive made it very clear to his dad its unacceptable. He tells him off but he has a 'boys will be boys' attitude to it. He's also got all of the cats food and dumped it in the litter tray. He's never sorry.

He's rude to me, ignores me when I ask him to stop doing things and is generally obnoxious. Every time he comes over he breaks something and it's always something belonging to my daughter. He bullies his little brother who is very sweet and he lies and manipulates situations.

I'm finding the situation hard. I love my partner and I've grown close to the younger child but as far as the 7 year old goes after the knife incident and him hurting the kitten I don't want him at my house, I don't even want to be around him and I don't want him around my daughter or pets.

I want to settle down. I'm starting to wonder if that will be possible when I can't imagine being able to live with my partner until the child is grown up. Thoughts? There are numerous other incidents but all pretty similar.

[Justmadeperfectflapjacks]

You dont live together. .
Walk away.
He will never parent his dc properly nor let you either. .

[KingJoffreysRestingCuntface]

Walk away. Fuck that.

[Broccolirevolution]

Walk away. I feel really worried for the little brother, but you have your own child to prioritise.

[SunshineBelle]

Cruelty to animals is totally unacceptable at any age. It all sounds very throught out and calculated (especially the hiding of the rock in the food for the donkey) which is highly worrying.
I'd be wondering if he has learnt this attitude from someone?
He seriously needs help as if he continues down this path it will surely get worse and more dangerous - then what will he be doing in ten years from now?

[NoncommittalToSparkleMotion]

Absolutely walk away.

[Gogglerox]

This has tiny serial killer written all over it 👀
Do you really want to be dealing with a child with that has a total lack of empathy and violent tendencies?
Don't walk away, run lol

[Sprinklestar]

Another one saying red flag with regard to the cruelty to pets. He is old enough to know a lot better and hence is deliberately choosing to behave like this. I'd leave your partner and find someone else.

[ImperialBlether]

He sounds a very disturbed boy. Given his dad's lack of interest in doing anything about it, I'd definitely end the relationship.

[DearMrDilkington]

Walk away. If anyone came into my house and harmed any of my pets they wouldn't be welcome again. The kid sounds troubled and needs help, unfortunately it sounds like his dad is ignoring the issue.

[JaneEyre70]

The fact that a young child is being cruel to your pets and other animals is bad enough but what makes this 100 times worse is the fact that his father is letting him. How can you be in a relationship with a man that is allowing a child to behave like this? I hate to say this but I'd be making it very clear that this boy isn't welcome in your home until this behaviour has been addressed.

[endofthelinefinally]

That sends chills down my spine.
I could not be with someone who doesnt recognise that his son needs help. Cruelty to animals is a huge red flag. You will not be able to solve this.
Walk away now.

[EsmeeMerlin]

Fuck that, walk away while you can. Why would you keep putting yourself through it and your dd? If your partner is not doing anything now he will always be like that. You will always be dealing with the same behaviour from the boy and the same arguments with his dad. The kid needs some help but if his dad won't see it then you are wasting your time.

Just walk away.

[DearMrDilkington]

Think of your daughters safety as well as your pets.. might not be an issue now but it sure as hell will be if he continues down this path into his teens..

[SunshineBelle]

What does his father say about it?

[Melfish]

Why would it be any better when he's grown up? The behaviour you are describing cannot be brushed off with the excuse that he's just a boy. Your partner doesn't seem to think there's an issue or want to address it, so as he gets older this behaviour is likely to continue and probably worsen. Leave. For the sake of your daughter and pets. No relationship is worth putting up with this behaviour particularly as your partner will nor deal with it.

[Melfish]

Sorry, not deal with it!

[expatinscotland]

'I want to settle down. I'm starting to wonder if that will be possible when I can't imagine being able to live with my partner until the child is grown up.'

You need to put your child and her safety ahead of any relationship you have with some guy. This child is very disturbed, unsafe and his parent is not taking charge of this, this will only get worse and when he's an adult, he's still your partner's son.

It's not just your pets who are at risk here, although that is more than enough for you to walk away immediately and tell him why. Any other decision is irresponsible to your child and pets.

The fact you have him around your pets and child is chilling.

[StewieGMum]

Phone social services as the boys behaviour is a massive red flag that needs professional intervention.

Then walk away. Your kid deserves to feel safe in her home and not have her belongings destroyed constantly. Your animals should not be abused in their home. He's had 2 years to step up and deal with this. He's choosing not to. He's unlikely to change any time some.

[WateryTart]

Walk away. The boy is trouble.

[thethoughtfox]

Potential psychopath. Wish I was overreacting. No way should you leave your daughter alone with him. The boy is troubled.

[Berthatydfil]

Cruelty to animals as a child is a indicator of a violent abusive personality.
It's worrying his father doesn't recognise the issue.
Don't expose your animals to him any longer.
Do you want your daughter growing up exposed to that or worse as he gets older bigger and stronger in fact do you want to be around him as he gets older?
The child needs professional help.

[mustiwearabra]

Walk away, please OP.

[MyLittleBoyBlue]

Cruelty to animals is a red flag for abuse. If his dad won't do anything do you have any relationship with his mum so you can talk to her?
Then run for the hills.

[LimitedSedition]

It's your pets now, it'll be your daughter next.

Walk away.