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(9 Posts)
LazySusan11 Mon 10-Apr-17 11:25:35

I was sorting dsd hair earlier and whilst I was doing it she was on her phone, I'll admit yes I was nosey and got a sneak peak of what the conversation was about.

She went to an under 16's party at a local club, she met a boy and apparently they had a kiss, he then tried to finger her..sorry for the phrase her words not mine.

She was messaging the boy who'd she'd met and they were arguing about the facts. I'm pleased that she appeared to be annoyed by it but do I tell dh?

Dsd is almost 14, I could of course talk to her myself as we get on well but I've noticed the older she's got the more she ignores anything I might say.


relaxo Mon 10-Apr-17 15:14:37

The talk will end up being hijacked by the fact that you read her private messages rather than what happened.
I think that you need to continue to help raise a confident woman who isn't afraid to speak her mind when boundaries are crossed.

RedDahlia Mon 10-Apr-17 15:21:03

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FerdinandsRevenge Mon 10-Apr-17 15:21:30

I'd bring it up with her, don't say you were being nosy, just that you saw it. She shouldn't be talking to this boy anymore and if he shoved a finger up her withiut permission that is sexual assault and shouldn't be ignored!

LazySusan11 Mon 10-Apr-17 18:02:32

I don't think I did a bad thing here, she wasn't hiding her phone I was standing above her and could see directly over her head.

I've told dh who didn't think I'd invaded her privacy, she's still a minor and if this sort of thing is happening I don't find that acceptable.

Dh and dsd mum are dealing with it.

Moussemoose Mon 10-Apr-17 18:09:09

I think the point might be I would have hidden it from my parents.
If she isn't hiding it then it is up for discussion.
She is 13! That is quiet young to be in this situation.

titchy Mon 10-Apr-17 18:12:54

She's 13 and has been sexually assaulted - I hope she recognises that. If she'd wanted it kept secret I doubt she'd have been messaging in front of the OP with the screen fully visible, so I suspect she wanted her parents to know on one level.

NotTheBelleoftheBall Mon 10-Apr-17 18:17:48

I'm a bit surprised by previous posters... 13 year olds don't get private access to their phones/internet/digital communication methods... parents need have the right to inspect devices in order to protect children.

It's not the same as reading a diary, which is a one way conversation a diary has never been used as a vehicle to exploit a teenager.

OP if it were me, I'd probably speak to DSD and, based on her response may speak to DH. We want her to feel empowered and in control of her body, if she feels exploited or upset, that may need to be discussed as a family.

wheresthel1ght Mon 10-Apr-17 22:28:20

in your position I would probably have spoken directly to DSD about it. But only cos my DSD (11) and I have a great relationship and I end up doing all the 'sensitive' things like period discussions/preperations, bra shopping etc

I agree that at 13/14 she is underage and does not get privacy on her phone/internet usage.

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