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Is mum abusing? Advice needed.

(8 Posts)
Darkgiraffe14 Sun 09-Apr-17 06:50:02

We have 5 kids. My 2 SC are the concern. Sd is 6 and ss 7. They were removed from mums care due to suspected abuse as mum has MH issues and too many children to cope with. We have them full time but they go for the occasional holiday.

Mum won't discuss children's welfare with dh and actively obstructs with clear attempts at parental alienation towards us. E.g children aren't allowed to touch dh, tell him they love him, etc, they do eventually but takes a while for them to feel safe enough to do so.

Ss has told me that he has to care for his 2 younger siblings when with mum, making bottles, changing nappies etc as mummy gets too tired, he is 7 ffs! She never takes them out the house and has pulled out 3 of his teeth as she thought they were wobbly.

Last visit she shaved his hair off as he wanted to grow it like the other lads at school but she wanted to get back at dh. She wont give them clothes, throws any toys we have bought them away, and sd has stayed up for over 24 hrs on a number of occasions as she doesn't monitor them.

Collected them yesterday after a week away, getting sd ready for bed and not only has her severe excema not been treated( mummy says i have to do it myself now) she has cuts and bruises on her as if she has been grabbed. Both the children have said they know what happened but don't want to say. They are behaving in a very scared way. If it was a child they would have grassed them up so we think it might be something else. We also don't want to put them under any pressure as they have so much phycological stuff from mum, they collect a list of bad things to tell her when they visit as she likes to interview them.

Wanting some advice really, should we tackle mum? Should we take to drs and explain situation. They are not due to visit again for a few weeks.

Social services are not helpful btw, they would visit mum but she is very good at covering up so have said there is no issue. Writing it down has been helpful, it is by no means everything but we can see from this that the situatin is far from normal. Its just a difficult judgement call. If anyone has been through something similar we're desperate for some advice.

Vanmenace Sun 09-Apr-17 06:57:32

That sounds horrific OP.

For SS, the only thing you can do is collect evidence. Photo the injuries and untreated excema. Write down what the children say. Make copies of thier lists. Maybe record some convos with them on your phone if you think they may say something.

SleepFreeZone Sun 09-Apr-17 06:59:03

Sounds awful, these things need documenting and SS need to be informed.

flapjackfairy Sun 09-Apr-17 07:00:00

Report to ss again and dont give up.
Is there a court order for contact? If not dont send them.
Log every incident and take them to gp to assess injuries as well for evidence. Take photos etc.
You must not let this slide and if needs be and ss wont listen then police can be best bet as they will have to involve ss and put pressure on ss as well.
I find it hard to believe ss are not interested tbh . They should be able to see through her esp if she is known to them.
And what about the children in her care ? Surely they are not safe either?
This is a terrible situation . So sorry for you all and good luck x

notadutchie Sun 09-Apr-17 07:00:22

Photos of it all.

Dr.

SS.

Chocolatecake12 Sun 09-Apr-17 07:08:38

I agree with pp. you do need to get ss involved again. You cannot let them continue to visit knowing that this is happening.
Your sc are lucky to have such a caring sm to come home to. Please continue to protect them from their birth mothers neglect.

Darkgiraffe14 Sun 09-Apr-17 07:13:32

There is a court order for contact. Dates for contact are named until July, we curently have to do a 200mile round trip to drop and collect as mum needs the support. We would like to stop doing this as we both work full time and 6-8 hrs on a motorway of a weekend every few weeks is taking its toll, both physically and finacially.

Good advice thanks, which we will follow.

CAFCASS were helpful and police were involved there was a mistake as sc should have been removed but it was missed. In court, Ss explained that they are just not at risk enough with so much pressue on the services.this is why other kids still with mum and she has extra support instead.

Ss seems the best route but if it went to court again we wouldnt be able to afford it, we dont get financial help as we work. Mum does get some as she's on benefits.

From the feedback above we plan to speak to cafcass first as they were the most understanding.

flapjackfairy Sun 09-Apr-17 07:26:33

Surely you shouldnt need to pay . Ss should be taking this through the courts to stop contact if these children are at risk?
I am a fc and i know all about the pressure on the system and it is true that the threshold to act is high but it sounds like it will only be a matter of time before the others are needing removal again even with support. These situations rarely work out.
And you could argue that your kids need the support around when they are there to keep them safe.
One other thing if no joy with soc worker go to their manager or director of ss if you are v concerned and if you instigate the complaints procedure they cannot ignore this.
But before all that speak to cafcass as you plan as you say they can be v helpful. X

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