Some background...we have been together for 2 years and are buying a place together, moving in (hopefully...another story!) in a month or so. We live together in his house that he and his ex bought together, and she left him for another man (her current partner I think) about 4 years ago. They have a gorgeous 6 year old who we have 2/3 nights a week. I love being a step mum to him, its so special to share these years with him and im grateful to his mum that she makes it pretty easy for us all. There is no real bitterness and its amicable.
The issue is that essentially, I am living in her house. its still furnished with her stuff, im sleeping in their bed...weird. When she left, she didn't take anything, just her clothes and his baby stuff. They get on pretty well for the sakes of their son, so no one wants to rock the boat. It drives me crazy however that she comes and goes from our house as she pleases, still having her keys. She drops stuff off for him during the week without telling us beforehand and she will occasionally just let herself in of an evening to pick something up. I found this really hard at first, understandably I think. She drops her son off and collects him from ours, we never collect. Id be happy to, but its the routine we are in from when my boyfriend didn't want to go to the house of the man who had 'taken his family' (she moved straight in with him, weeks after the split with a 2 year old).
So, we are buying a house together, which is already causing issues as its a lot bigger than her place. We have 2 houses going into one and I have a pretty good job, we can just afford more. She has made it very clear that she is outright jealous that he is doing well and her son will have a lovely home to grow up in. She is expecting that we will give her a key so that things can carry on as usual...however I want to put my foot down and say no. I feel as its our space (well actually mine, its only me on the mortgage), I don't want his ex turning up unannounced or potentially nosing around when we aren't there....I would, its in our nature to be nosy right?! I know this might make life a little more complicated short term but I don't think its unreasonable.
Has anyone been in this situation before, from either side? What did you do? I don't want to cause WW3, but I also want to feel like this is our space, and that its private.
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice.
Step-parenting
Do i give the ex a key to our new house?
49 replies
leedsstepmother101 · 04/04/2017 17:04
OP posts:
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.