Young step mum, HELP!(4 Posts)
Haven't been on here since my miscarriage a few years back..
But I need advice..
I know many of you will probably judge me, but I've heard it all before, I'm with an older guy, and I'm VERY happy.. but he has a 16 year old daughter..
We've just rearranged the housing arrangements, before it was a few days here & then to her mums with alternate weekends..
but now we're doing a solid 7 days each.. and she is a lovely kid, so so bright, but she's just pushing boundaries, she wants to go to "parties" all the time, and kicks up a fuss when her parents won't let her stay over night but offer to pick her up!
But basically I know she's his daughter, but Jesus.. she has him wrapped round her finger, to the point where she will leave the front room in an absolute state!! Crisp wrappers and general rubbish everywhere.
If we go food shopping while she's here, it HAS to be branded stuff, because the cheaper versions "taste grim"
I could go on forever, but I just needed to rant, I love her dearly, but she's being a little sh**t and he needs to stand up to her a little and stop letting her walk all over him!
Yep, that about sums up most 16 year olds!! But, he can and should do something about the untidiness, if she gets pocket money, she should earn it by doing chores and certainly cleaning up after herself. If the chores aren't done.....no cash, no negotiation!
Very hard I know, but it's the ONLY way!
I don't think there's anything wrong - and quite a lot right - with asking for what you need.
For example, 'Lunch is in a few minutes. Could you pick up the stuff on the living room and put it in the bin, before we eat.'
Re the branded stuff. If money is in short supply, there is nothing wrong with saying that. As in 'We're having a takeaway/you're favourite dinner on Saturday, but at other times we need to watch the spending.'
If it's a bit of a battleground, you can always push the unbranded stuff to back, but cook with them - and ten to one she won't notice and eat up happily.'
But keep calm and reasonable and (crucial) get partner to buy in to what you're doing. If you and he can't agree on what is reasonable and back each other up, that's when the 'fun' starts.
I tried some blind testing of a few branded and unbranded items with my DSC and they failed to identify the branded items. You need to allow them to save face though - eg claim that you've heard they've changed the recipe of the unbranded one lately, or agree with them that some unbranded foods aren't nice, but the particular one you're buying is ok, etc
You might be best to leave decisions over parties to her parents and try to stay out of the firing line. My DSD1 pushed boundaries a lot at that age. I found it best to take on the role of advisor to my DH, if possible out of earshot of DSD. Occasionally I fought her corner for her when i thought DH was being overly cautious, or it was something i knew more about than him (eg festivals, or personal safety walking home alone). If you were a 16 year old girl not so very long ago, that's a useful experience to draw on. But best let your DP (or DSD's mum) set the rules.
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