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(5 Posts)
The1975 Sun 02-Apr-17 17:06:06

My DP and his ex split up a year or so before we met, but financial reasons stayed living in the same house (different rooms). When we eventually moved in together, a 50/50 split was agreed for his 2 DSs and the dog! There was also a cat and 2 pet rats which went to Ex's new house.

So last year, during the summer holidays the rats get dumped on us. They turned up with a filthy stinking cage, no clean bedding or food. Despite disinfecting the cage and cleaning them out, our house smelt of the rats for ages after they left.
I really cannot stand rats and said I wasn't prepared to have them again.
2 weeks ago (ex is taking kids abroad for Easter) she asks if we'll have rats and DP says no, as we're going away for long weekend and for a short break ourselves.

She complains and says it's my DPs responsibility to look after them as she has them all the time. He still says no.
She then emails to say that if she hasn't found anyone by Friday she's bringing the rats to ours anyway.
At this point I'm afraid I intervened. I sent a firm but polite email saying we were not looking after the rats because we were away as well & said that I did not like rats and they smell. I was expecting a bit of a backlash, but she is very good at bullying my DP to get her own way and I didn't want the rats being dumped in us.
Anyway, the email wa spectacularly ranty; how the rats are my DPs responsibility as well, if her son had a snake at ours she'd look after it even though she hates snakes...& then a snide comment about me finding her house offensive because of the rat smell.
I ignored her and my DP told her she was out of order. And the rats went to her mother's.

But in all seriousness, This wasn't just a post about rats. I am really sick of her bullying and manipulating behaviour. She doesn't return the kids clothes that we buy, every week she manages to forget something that the kids need, she's forever trying to arrange activities for her to do with the kids, even when that falls during our time.
She emails/texts/phones my DP several times a week because she's so disorganised. It's really starting to get to me.
Thoughts/advice/am I being unreasonable not rat-sitting?

Neverknowing Sun 02-Apr-17 17:24:12

Not at all!! Gosh she sounds entitled, even without all the rest of the bullshit you shouldn't have to take anyone's pet if it makes you uncomfortable. Unless you expect her to look after your animals when you go away.

The1975 Sun 02-Apr-17 18:45:45

No. We share the dog - he comes & goes with the kids. However, we're the ones who end up taking him to the vet and for clipping; otherwise it doesn't get done. We don't have pets here because I don't have the time to look after them.

heidiwine Mon 03-Apr-17 07:37:18

I'm with you. I thought we were the only household in the country to have a similar level of ridiculousness. I've been doing it for nearly ten years now (and there have been some smelly pets). Like you, there was a similar level of control and bullying from DPs ex and I fumed about it.
Nothing helpful to say except that I feel your pain (and as my DPs children have got older their interest in furry creatures has waned and there is only one now (she doesn't travel to us but we go there when ex is away - most weekends - to feed and 'keep company'). We finally drew the line when we were asked to pay for the pet sitter when ex was going away at the same time as us...

gingina Mon 03-Apr-17 23:09:48

There is no way on earth that I would allow a rat (or two!) into my house for anyone!!!! I'm petrified of them. shock
You are not being unreasonable at all. It's your house and you have every right to refuse to look after her smelly stinking rodents

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