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Bringing stepkids back together.

(6 Posts)
Amykaren1 Fri 24-Mar-17 16:51:16

I wanted some advice from anyone in our situation. I am mum to three children and step mum ( or was) to my husbands two children for five years. During that time we had the three kids and it was tough,tried my very best with a lot of stress from partners ex ,complaints ,solicitors letters over bedroom situation etc. My husband has always paid maintenance ,the year we had our third child he reduced it for the first time. The ex was outraged and rang CSA who then in turn reduced it again to what it should have been all along. Throughout this we decided that any difference between the due amount and what he used to give would be spent directly on the step kids anyway so they didn't lose out. The following year we married with step daughter as bridesmaid,when we rang to arrange which day kids were staying over the following week the house number had been changed,the step daughters mobile number too. He rang the ex who then said the kids don't want to stay and any contact has to go through her. Lots of phonecalls later and throughout the years and husband couldn't see them. He knew it was to increase her maintenance so that kids weren't staying over and to hurt him. In turn she managed to hurt my kids as they havent seen their step brother and sister since. My three are 8,9 and 10 and step kids now 16 and 20. Now last few weeks as maintenance runs out for eldest daughter she has allowed her to contact her dad and now both kids want to meet there brother and sisters again.As a family when we were all together we had a great time and I don't think the ex could cope. I had five children at once ( plus eldest has a disability) and she has shown no compassion ,even doctors appointments/ hospital over the years I've had to attend myself as she wouldn't be lenient with pick up times etc. My question is what should I do now the ex deems it okay for the kids to see each other after 6 years its heartbreaking as at the drop of a hat she could pull them away again.

Underthemoonlight Sat 25-Mar-17 11:44:09

Surely it's a seperate issue for you now as your no longer with your husband so utilmately contact would be between him and his children?

Judbarian Tue 28-Mar-17 22:48:54

She had to financially suffer along with her children due to your husband having more children than he could reasonably provide for. No wonder she reacted the way she did. Why should she have empathy for your circumstances, you didn't for hers.

Judbarian Tue 28-Mar-17 22:49:58

Meant to add, the kids are old enough to make their own decisions now. So it's irrelevant.

OrangesAndApples Wed 29-Mar-17 18:33:20

What a horrible situation. I'm so sorry you had to deal with that.

Your two step kids are no longer really children - definitely the eldest at 20 - so their mom shouldn't be able to stop them seeing their dad or their half-siblings anymore.

I really hope the reunion goes well. Once you've seen them again it might be easier to decide how you are going to make arrangements in the future - surely mom can't control the 20 year olds access to her own phone anymore!

JustSpeakSense Wed 29-Mar-17 19:10:49

Now that the SC are 16 and 20 surely contact will be between your DH & them directly and exW won't be involved?

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