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Guilty father syndrome ruining family

(14 Posts)
Natt1984 Fri 24-Mar-17 15:34:19

I have been with my partner 3 years and we have a 5 month old son. I have a daughter and he has a son and a daughter.

When we started this relationship he didn't have set contact with the kids and his ex wife was dictating when he could see them. That went on for 18mnths till he got a court order and I supported him fully - the children have always been rude and the ss instantly took to bullying my daughter who was 3 at the time ( the dad made excuses for him and insisted if my child just wasn't so friendly to them or happy to see them....grrr ) this went on constant Fallings outs. But he had them at his parents and I could escape. I upped and moved 60 miles away from friends and family ( he said that's what I must do to make a home). I moved he didn't move in, then when he did move in he refused to spend any money as it was my home. I became pregnant, he became awful deciding now he didn't want the baby ( his kids said it 1st he followed) my pregnancy was hell l was ill and unsupported ( I kept going because I thought he may change once the baby arrived).

I had the baby and straight away he moved his kids in ( I asked for time as I didn't feel it was good for anyone) the kids came, hated the baby were rude to me and bullied my daughter ( each time I complained he said I had to chill out and make his kids welcome) the SD behaviour got worse and worse I didn't feel I could even enter my own living room. Anytime I said no or told her behaviour was unacceptable her dad would accuse me of picking on her ( even when she is kicking, hitting me and my daughter and telling lies) . We'll his daughter would start as soon as I saw her and say she didn't want to stay - and tbh I wasn't happy the upset her dad was letting her cause. In the end I lost it a blew up and my partner in front of the kids. It wasn't easy being exhausted caring for 4 kids (3 his while he sat there playing on his phone and having a go at me anytime I suggested his his were far from perfect) . He decided to move in with his parents in Jan leaving me the baby and my 5 year old that calls him daddy.

I've given the kids lots of space and popped in with the baby on Sunday.......straight away the little girl is hostile. She was mean and horrible to my daughter and her dad ignored it even though DD was upset. On the 3rd time I just said you all had to play nice. She kicked off cried and cried while daddy cuddled her. That night she went home and said I had been pinching her, for the love of God I would never. Her mum rungs her dad and he gives me hell . Fast forward 3 days she admits to lying and her brother confirms I never touched her.

No one even apologises - even though his ex has threatened me with social services. I rightly get upset and but hey I'm still the bad guy.

Will I ever win, do I cut them all off. I'm feeling so down. I don't want my baby near these kids sad

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 Fri 24-Mar-17 15:38:16

Walk away. . He isn't committed to a proper family life at all.
Now way should you and your dc feel bullied like this.

Gogglerox Fri 24-Mar-17 15:51:01

Cut him off. I wouldn't allow your baby to go there unsupervised either, God knows what would happen if his other children were left alone with the baby.
I feel so sorry for you xx This is without a doubt a dead end relationship, I'd walk away if I were you

ImperialBlether Fri 24-Mar-17 15:52:36

God, another bloody deadbeat horrible man! Keep away from him and don't let him within a mile of your children, either.

AcrossthePond55 Fri 24-Mar-17 15:56:52

Walk away, maintain silence. Let him make any moves regarding seeing the baby. Do not subject your little girl to his children.

Wdigin2this Fri 24-Mar-17 20:14:53

Dear god, what more does he need to do, to prove you should walk the hell away right now....go, take your kids out of this!
If you have the lease/rent book/own the property, have the locks changed, then tell him he and his DC are no longer welcome...and for goodness sake don't leave your baby with him ever!

boolifooli Fri 24-Mar-17 20:18:22

He's been telling you for years what he thinks you're worth. Listen to him.

highinthesky Fri 24-Mar-17 20:18:27

Wtf do you see in this poor excuse for a man?

ThoraGruntwhistle Fri 24-Mar-17 20:18:48

Cut your losses now. He's obviously never going to support you and discipline his children. His DD is clearly wise to this fact and can say and do whatever she pleases and be as vile as she wants with no consequences. Protect your children and have nothing more to do with them. I hope you can at least get some CM from him.

Grannyben Fri 24-Mar-17 20:30:44

Your children come first, make no further contact and see what he does

user1486915549 Fri 24-Mar-17 20:30:53

I am shocked you decided it was ok to get pregnant by this man.
You did so walk away now and make a better life for yourself.

Underthemoonlight Sat 25-Mar-17 10:51:47

I think your dps dd is taking it out on your dd because she is calling her dad daddy, this clearly showed in your post and I think that's why she's so hostile because she sees you your dd and your baby as replacing them. Your dp hasn't addressed this issue at and is pandering to her. I would cut your loses and walk away. It's clear your dp has no interest in making this work. This type of situation only works if he's on board and he clearly isn't.

Newmother8668 Sat 25-Mar-17 11:50:32

Walk away. Anything that threatens you and your children should not even be considered. The fact he allows this behaviour says a lot and you need to realise that you and your kids are worth more than that.

raspberryblue Sat 25-Mar-17 17:53:16

OMG he sounds horrific, run for the hills and protect your own. This is not a relationship, he is vile and how he treats you bloody awfully, so his kids think they can do the same. You can not have your kids being treated like that, seriously don't just walk away, run for the hills.

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