Ok, might seem like a dumb title - of course a 2yr old wants to be close to their mum, but bear with me...
I moved in with my GF and her two girls (6 and 2) in November. Their parents split at the beginning of 2016 but their dad only moved out at the end of the summer.
We were already dating by this point (when he moved out) and had a nice plan to take things slowly, maybe meeting her daughters this May or something.
Anyway, obviously plans change and both her and her ex felt the girls were ready to at least meet me in November. Within a week the 6 year old was saying it was stupid that I went home every evening, so I stayed over... and never really left. I officially moved in Mid-December.
That's all background stuff, the issue is...
The 2 year old has always been ultra-clingy to her mum. Their dad is not a bad person at all but uh.. fathering was not for him and he wasn't there often (one of the reasons she left him in the end.) Apart from my girlfriend's mum, the little one hadn't really bonded with anyone else.
Here's the thing - it's gone great since I moved in. Both girls were receptive to me and seemed entirely comfortable that I was there (which is the main reason everything suddenly went so fast.) But over the past two or three weeks the two year old (2.5 now) has been sadder and sadder when she's dropped at daycare , goes to her gran's (father's mum) house or generally is away from her mum at all. Her gran said that last weekend she kept crying and asking for her mum, and also pointing to a picture of her dad.
They don't mention their dad much though, when with us. The girls know, absolutely, that talking about their dad at home is both welcome and encouraged - there's no issue that it's a taboo thing.
It's just really accelerated. She never loved saying bye to mum at daycare, but she was always cheerful up until that moment, now she's practically crying before we get there.
My initial instinct is that she's just reacting to the change, and that things are different and it's difficult for her to process so she wants the one stable rock in her life - mum. I worry that on some level she's unhappy that I'm there. But at the same time over this same period she's bonded with me on a level that we hadn't before - she's insisting that it's me that changes her nappy some nights, or that I'm the one to clean her teeth etc - so it's not like she's showing any upset at my presence, quite the contrary.
Sorry, this is all really jumbled - I just wondered if anyone else had experience of what 2 year olds go through with a new step-parent, or major change in things like this, how they react etc. Should I just accept that this as part of the process or is there something I can try or suggest to my girlfriend?
As a final note; I'm loving my life there, I can't express how much those girls already mean to me, independent of the fact they're my girlfriend's daughters. I think we've already built a very happy home (the four of us will cuddle up on the sofa in the evenings, and sing together at their bedtime, go skating at the weekend etc... it's wonderful) I just want to do the best I can and I hate seeing the little one sad and feeling powerless - while also accepting that a new step-parent can only do so much.
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Step-parenting
2 Year old SD getting upset away from mum
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NewLevelsOfTiredness · 22/03/2017 09:20
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