Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

Step-parenting

Bedrooms in new house

20 replies

Stepmumnewhouse · 03/03/2017 20:38

I'm selling my house and DP and I are buying a bigger one together. DP has 2 kids, DSS 7 and DSD 5. The main reason we are moving is so that the kids can have separate rooms as I currently only have 2 bedrooms. They also share a room at thier Mums but DSS has been asking for his own room recently. We have a buyer for mine and have found a lovely home with 4 bedrooms, 3 doubles and a single. The plan is for me and DP to have the master bedroom, DSS will have one of the doubles and DSD will have the single. The kids are excited about having their rooms decorated in the colour of their choosing. The spare room will be a guest room for now, DP and I are planning on having a child together in the future so this will be their room.
The kids have been viewing houses with us, DSS always asks for the 2nd biggest room but DSD doesn't care as long as her room is pink! Although no one has said anything directly to us, there have been some comments about DSD having the smallest room. DP and I have talked about it and our reasons for DSD having the single is so that we can have a double guest room for people to stay for now and when we do have child together, I wouldn't want to move the kids around, their rooms will always be theirs. DSD and DSS stay about 2-3 times a week.
Am I being an evil step mum or am I thinking about it too much? DPs view is that they currently share a room so they will just be happy to have a room each and the size doesn't matter.

OP posts:

Report

wishcarry · 03/03/2017 20:44

If your step daughter is happy just don't listen to the people who think it's unfair.
when you and your dh have your baby that baby will be living there 7 days a week,and have all his/her toys in it,so it makes more sense for that baby to have a bigger bedroom.

Stepmumnewhouse · 03/03/2017 20:49

That's what we thought, it was just the comments made by some family members that made me think maybe I was being unfair. I need to stop overthinking and just be excited about our new family home!

OP posts:

Moanyoldcow · 03/03/2017 20:52

I think you need to make sure DSD is not putting on a brave face so you are all happy. If she's genuinely fine then no problem.

Personally I'd give her the bigger room but I'm sensitive about it having never really had my own room until moving out and into a flatshare!

Floralnomad · 03/03/2017 20:54

I'd give them the 2 smallest rooms and leave the second biggest as the guest room .

Stepmumnewhouse · 03/03/2017 21:00

The kids haven't seen the new house yet. They just viewed some others with us and DSD chose the smallest bedroom in 1 as it was pink.

I think DSD will be happy with her room, she didn't pay any attention to room sizes in the houses we looked at. It's not a tiny room, she'll still have space for toys and to play but it's not as big as her brothers.

OP posts:

Emeralda · 03/03/2017 21:07

Invite yourself round to your family member's houses and comment on their living arrangements! Seriously, as long as DSD is happy and you're happy, it's fine. Either don't mention it to others or thank them for their opinions and do what you like. Every family is different and it's nice to be considerate but don't worry too much.

Dollyparton3 · 03/03/2017 21:28

We've been viewing bigger houses recently and we're adamant that DSS who is the youngest will have the bigger room. Stepkids both have very regular rooms at their mum's, their grandparents and ours, DSD has a double at each house + at ours and DSS has the box room at all 3 at the moment as he is the youngest.

Controversially we've decided that the new home will give DSS the bigger room as he has never had the bigger room anywhere. It all seems to be pretty fair at the moment and as ours is the house that they spend less time at it's no biggie.

When I was a kid I had the bigger room at my mums and the smaller room at my dads. All seemed fair to me

Zampa · 03/03/2017 21:32

We're house hunting so my DSCs can have their own rooms. Youngest DSC was a bit miffed looking around one house when he was earmarked the smallest room. However, he realised that it was fairer for him to have it than his half-sister (my DD) who would live in the new house all the time.

Isthisusernamefree · 03/03/2017 22:18

My DSS's were 4 and 6 when we moved into our house, DSS 6 had the 3rd bedroom, DSS 4 had the 4th bedroom which is technically the smallest but is far from a box room and the 2nd bedroom is a guest room/DP's junk room at the moment, soon to be a nursery. At their DMum's the kids share and so they were over the moon to have their own space here. Neither of them have ever mentioned the difference in size and youngest DSS could not give a hoot. They're joined at the hip most of the time and they're slowly appreciating the space to do their own thing.

As you mentioned OP, I knew we would eventually have children together and did not want to be in a situation where we might have to switch the kid's rooms around as I didn't think that would be fair, especially not moving them to a different room to make room for a new baby. Also we have a lot of family who visit and while we could have one, a guest room was beneficial for us.

But the most important thing I think is that the kids have never batted an eyelid, have never mentioned anything to do with rooms and are just happy to have their own space.

swingofthings · 04/03/2017 19:03

There are so young to be deciding on what room they should have. As you've said, at 5, they are more bothered by the colour of the wall than the square metre. They are fortunately that they will have their own bedroom and privacy and your SD might not mind at all that she will have a smaller room. I do agree that it is better than she makes it hers now rather than her getting used to the bigger one, to be dislodged when your child is old enough to care to have the bigger room since that will be their main residence.

Take it as it comes, but ultimately, they should be grateful you are moving into a bigger house to welcome them.

Ilovetolurk · 05/03/2017 07:55

In our old house we had the same room set up and eldest DD got a double, younger DS the single and we kept the smallest double as a guest room. If in time you feel DSD needs a bigger room and you are not using the guest room so much you could change up when you are next ready to redecorate.

gingina · 06/03/2017 20:41

When we moved into our house ds2 had to have the smallest room so I softened the blow by buying him a new bed and a new tv and decorating his room first.
But if your dsd isn't bothered then I can't see a problem

greenworm · 06/03/2017 22:06

I think it seems perfectly fair. As a child I had the smallest room, so the second biggest could be used for guests with a double bed in it. There is absolutely no issue here that I see!

Stepmumnewhouse · 07/03/2017 07:45

Thank you for all the replies. I didn't think I was being mean but others reactions made me question myself.
We are going to paint it pink and get her a princess canopy for her bed to make it as lovely as possible for her.

OP posts:

TreeTop7 · 07/03/2017 07:50

Your stepdaughter hasn't complained, so that should be the end of the discussion. Painting it in her favourite colour is the right thing to do, as well.

Enjoy your new home!

Wdigin2this · 07/03/2017 10:23

You're lucky your DSD is happy to have the smaller room for now, but don't be surprised if that changes over the next few years! Girls accumulate so much more stuff than boys, and generally need more space!
But for now if it works, and everyone's happy, go with the flow, but try to incorporate as much storage as ossicle in DSD's room, and possibly a single bed, with a pull our camp bed, or bunk beds.....for friends during the, inevitable sleepovers!

BarbarianMum · 07/03/2017 11:11

We have 4 bedrooms. Dh and I have the master bedroom, our 2 sons are in the smallest two and the second largest is a guest room cum study. It's fine.
Oh, and there is no rule that girls accumulate stuff more than boys, ds1 has huge piles of books, about a thousand Lego/meccano models and a drum kit in his single bedroom (we give him additional clothes storage space in the spare room and this might be an option for your dad too).

BarbarianMum · 07/03/2017 11:11

For your dsd ......

WhereHaveTheyGone · 07/03/2017 11:15

Sounds fair, as she'll take more notice and feel more rejected if she has to move when another baby comes along. You could always give DSS the 3rd biggest room, so keep 2nd biggest for guest/future children if it means their rooms are more equal.

Bluebell9 · 07/03/2017 13:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Flip

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.