Just need a rant.
Dps mum passed away suddenly on Wednesday - funeral is this weekend.
His mum lived in a different town to me & his siblings, kids & ex wife live there too. Dp stays some of the week with me & my kids & is planning on moving in fully during the summer after he rents out his house in his home town. Both dp & I are divorced two years but his family of origin are quite traditional & sort of ignore my existence. They are perfectly polite when I'm in their company but it's obvious to dp & I that they don't really approve of him moving on.
His ex wife is an absolute nightmare & her latest thing is that she has now decided that he & I must have been having an affair for years & that I broke up their marriage! Not true - we met on a dating site after both divorces came through!
Anyhow - this funeral will be in a rural parish & very traditional. I have not seen dp since his mum died as he's at 'home' & my presence wasn't deemed appropriate as the wake was for family only. This I get.
I have to travel today to the funeral & while I haven't bugged my dp with questions as he's enough on his plate, I have gathered that the ex will be there 'for the kids' (who are all pre teens and teens btw) & will take it upon herself to sit up with the family 'for the kids'.
I was ok with all this until I went to do the laundry last night & I realised that while I am the woman who washes his socks & jocks (he washes mine too - it's not about who does the laundry), society in the form of his family & rural community deems that I can't comfort him when he needs me most & nor can I sit with him in the church. Yet his ex who has caused him so much grief can do what she bloody wants just because they had kids together!! I am now really mad & trying to work it out of my system!
When my mum died a few years ago my ex offered to sit up the church with me & I said no. Instead he & his parents sat elsewhere in the church which I felt was far more appropriate & my youngest was minded by my relatives a few seats behind me & my older kids. I was single at the time.
I'm just so sick of gfs/partners/2nd spouses always being perceived as second class citizens & having to take a back seat at all important things, & 'for the sake of the kids' & 'what will people think' being trotted out again & again as an excuse for the wider world to not accept that things change, divorce happens, & people move on!!!!
I good friend of mine recently implied that I'd been married once & that any subsequent relationship would be a make do! My dp is the love of my life - the relationship I was always meant to have. This does not negate the relationship I had with my ex which happened to give me three beautiful kids, but we divorced for a reason!
My dp is along with my kids the most important person in my life & it drives me nuts that second & subsequent relationships are somehow seen as less important!
Rant over.
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17 replies
Magda72 · 24/02/2017 08:47
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