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Struggling being on the outside

(10 Posts)
Rizzo03 Wed 08-Feb-17 10:28:31

Being a step mum is a thankless job sometimes. We're having a few issues with youngest dsd she's 11 it could just be her age but us, her mum and her older sister have always though there is some sort of problem like autism or aspergers but it's never been diagnosed, it does cause problems in the household especially as there are 3 other dcs I have 2 and my dp has 2. It's good they are now having meetings with the school and seeing various other bodies to try and get a diagnosis and help. Dp and their mum don't get on and it's likely to blow at any time however I am pleased they are for now staying focused on their dds wellbeing.

I know it may sound ridiculous to some but as we have her 50% of the time and I spend a lot of time helping with her upbringing and things she does effects my dcs and me and sometimes our relationship I should somehow be involved in this as if she does have aspergers or autism I have no idea how to handle her, I have looked it up on the internet but u only get so much info.

Should I be involved in any of this or is it simply none of my business?

Rizzo03 Wed 08-Feb-17 18:34:16

Can anyone give me their opinion?

gingina Wed 08-Feb-17 19:20:51

You should be kept in the loop but maybe going to school meetings would antagonize the ex wife?
What does your Dh think?

Rizzo03 Wed 08-Feb-17 19:27:18

Oh I wouldn't go to the school meeting I realise that would be the wrong thing to do , I don't know what to do. Them meeting up together with dsd is giving me a bad taste in my mouth too. It just doesn't feel right but I also know I have to let them do what's right for their dd

needsahalo Wed 08-Feb-17 19:50:56

Have you tried forums on websites related to autism? You may find some step parents there. Also if you have a kindle there are loads of free, written by parents, books about living with children with autism. You may find something that strikes a chord. The parents do need to do what they think is best but you can still be involved.

Rizzo03 Wed 08-Feb-17 20:12:33

Well I have done some research infact I've been telling and showing dp now for some time I think there's a problem. But I just think every child is different and I need to know how deal with certain situations. There are other reasons I feel uncomfortable with this whole thing though

Ilovecaindingle Wed 08-Feb-17 20:14:22

If you look after the children without dh around then yes you should be involved in anything that is being discussed with professionals.

Rizzo03 Wed 08-Feb-17 22:06:30

Well yes I do, I do think there's more to this though I don't trust this woman unfortunately for good reason but I also have to be sensitive to the issue in hand too. Difficult 😤

needsahalo Wed 08-Feb-17 22:39:05

So you basically don't trust your partner around his ex? She owes you nothing, you realise that? You don't need to trust her.

Rizzo03 Thu 09-Feb-17 13:18:16

I think I'd just like to understand this condition more and have an idea how to deal with things in the house. I feel I also need to explain to my own children why she is different. As for them they see her 'getting away with stuff' as they put it. I have found a few support groups for myself. I think her mum would rather I wasn't in her life but well I am and do care about her and my relationship with her so decided to do something about it.

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