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How to make sure partner has enough time on his own with his sons

(3 Posts)
uka888 Tue 31-Jan-17 09:34:25

Hi, I posted a post yesterday so sorry for posting again! For some reason this week my mind is overthinking everything! I have been with my partner for coming up to 2.5 years, he has two sons who are four and and six.

Things are great pretty much most of the time just sometimes I freak out when I stop and overthink everything! We don't live together but I'm at his 5/6 times a week. He sees his boys 2/3 times a week. I am really lucky in that I get on great with them and they have been so welcoming to me. As they are growing up he has times where he finds is really hard dropping them back after a weekend and he's missing them loads. I understand it must be so hard but the hardest thing for me is not the children its how to deal with his emotions of it.

As our relationship has developed I have without really realizing it found myself being at his a lot when they are there. I normally stay at mine when he has them for one night in the week to give them that time together but whereas before on a weekend I would do my own thing for one of the days I seem to be with them a lot of the time. I guess I enjoy their company and don't want to miss out on anything! At the same time though my partner has mentioned in the last couple of days that most of the time he wants us to do things as a 4 but sometimes he may want a couple of hours/half a day with them by himself. Deep down I know this is completely understandable and also important for the children but part of me feels a bit upset and that he's pushing me away. Which I think is what's led me to overthinking everything this week.

Is anyone else with a partner who has children and they don't have children themselves? Do you try and make sure they have time to themselves as well as be involved some of the time?

gingina Tue 31-Jan-17 09:44:14

I have 2 DSC and 2 dc of my own and I think it vitally important that DP and I have time on our own with just our kids.
It's lovely to be a big blended family of 4 but the kids need time with just their own sibling and parent.
We often go our separate ways for a day or two and it does us all good.
Also, I sometimes get a bit tired of everything being about DP and his DC because he only sees them at weekends and I need a break from them as well.
You should ask your DP how he feels but imo time apart is a good thing.

Evergreen777 Tue 31-Jan-17 17:51:43

I think you are over-worrying. It's good and healthy for your DP to get a bit of time with just his kids. We've lived together for 4 years but still value a bit of time like that - I do have my own DC, but often on weekends they're at their dad's so it's just me and Dh and the DSC. Sometimes DH plans an evening of watching crap TV I don't like with his, so I make myself scarce and leave him for some time with them without me.

As things move on, you might want sometimes to offer to do something with one of the DSC to enable your DP to have some one to one time with the other. One to one time can be in short supply otherwise with separated parents. But for now, take the opportunity to go out with friends or have some time to yourself.

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