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Am I being really petty to be bothered by this?

(11 Posts)
handsfree Tue 31-Jan-17 09:04:45

This weekend just gone is the first time we have seen my dsd (11.5) since just before Christmas.
On the Saturday I took her shopping, as her main Christmas present from us was money and a shopping trip. On Sunday other presents were exchanged. So dsd gave her dad and brothers the presents I'd bought for her, and dh and our boys gave dsd the presents that I'd either bought or suggested (and dh had bought) and I sat there and watched because once again neither dh nor dsd thought it might be at all appropriate for me to have a little gift from dsd. It just makes me feel so left out.
But I don't know whether to bother mentioning it to dh for the sake of a £5 present and obviously it's not really about the present, it's the principle.
On balance I feel I should probably just let it go, and besides, if I have to ask it obviously isn't go to feel the same anyway. It just makes me feel really sad that once again dh just hasn't even thought how I might feel, sitting there like a lemon, watching everyone open presents that I organised. I guess it's more obvious this year as it's so far away from Christmas now, as it hasn't bothered me so much on previous years.

Would you say something or let it go?

Notsurewhereifitin Tue 31-Jan-17 09:45:12

I would definately speak to DH, it seems like you do a lot for DSD your DH should be teaching her to appreciate the people in her life and a little gift that she could see you enjoy opening would go a long way towards that. Speak with your DH he might just not realise and he won't pick up on it until you tell him. Once you've told him I would expect him to be a bit defensive give him a chance to cool off and then next time if presents don't appear you know your DH doesn't really care about whether DSD includes you. Sorry if that sounds harsh but it really is on him and he until he knows for certain that your feelings have been hurt you can't say for certain why he's excluded you.

acornsandnuts Tue 31-Jan-17 09:52:15

I don't think you're being petty at all. Your DH is an adult and should have took the lead on the very first Christmas you were together as a step family. I can't believe he stands by letting you shop for gifts and not to enter his head to reciprocate. Buying a token gift for you would have set a president for your DSD as she gets older.

gingina Tue 31-Jan-17 09:54:15

No your not petty at all. You should say something.
Maybe DH didn't think but he should have. Did he even thank you for going to so much effort?
I agree with Notsure - mention it, let him chew on it, and see what he does next time.
If he still doesn't bother then that;'s your answer I'm afraid.

handsfree Tue 31-Jan-17 09:55:42

It's not our first Christmas acorns, ive known dsd pretty much her entire life! So I guess the precedent has long been set sad

handsfree Tue 31-Jan-17 09:57:21

I think it's just more noticeable now our boys are 5 and 2 and the whole present thing is a much bigger deal. When I was just buying a present for dsd to give to her dad (which I do for birthdays and Father's Day as well) it didn't really bother me.

ChipmunkSundays Tue 31-Jan-17 10:14:34

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mamamc123 Tue 31-Jan-17 19:15:24

Even though my SDs (12 and 7) don't buy me a present specifically from then I always hear when opening presents from DH at Christmas, Valentines and birthdays "WE HELPED PICK IT!!! Do you like it?" Excitedly from both girls so I guess they do sort of get me one?
I'd be so hurt and upset if I thought they didn't bother or care.
I'd speak to DH calmly and just let him know you're feeling sad and left out. Men need it spelling out sometimes, I bet it's just an oversight on his part

user1467976192 Tue 31-Jan-17 19:37:14

It's not petty, I was upset last year that everyone's birthdays were acknowledged but mine. I guess it will be the same again this year

swingofthings Wed 01-Feb-17 08:42:19

If it makes you feel better, my kids got their SM a Christmas present and I got nothing smile It's nothing to do with affection, they get along with her well, but they love me as a mum. It's because I do give the message that I don't expect anything from them (and they take it literally!), and also because, as they said, I'm really hard to buy for (and they may have a point!).

Wdigin2this Thu 02-Feb-17 09:56:39

How bloody thoughtless some men are! Of course he should organise a small gift for his DD to give Christmas and your birthday!
But as you say, if you have to tell him to do means absolutely nothing!
What about mentioning the late Christmas gift giving in a conversational way, to a female relative of his, mother/sister, and just casually mention that the gifts you got for DSD to give to dad and siblings went down well...they'd probably ask what you got! Your chance to say, oh nothing, don't think DH thought about it, should result in him being dropped a word to the wise!

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