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At what point do you just let go/give up???

(6 Posts)
Frankelly66 Mon 26-Dec-16 23:57:28

My partner is a useless dad. He adores his six year old son and financially takes very good care of him but past that he doesn't have a clue! He finds being a dad very very hard, he still isn't comfortable with his son. He sees him a few hours a week and is very happy with it being this way. The issue is, the ex although is a good mum she's so different to me and him, she's an introvert, not good socially, doesn't like sport or being outdoors and it's rubbing off on the son. We had him on Christmas Eve and he sat watching Tv all day and didn't want to go outdoors or play at all. It makes it very hard for me to bond with him, I'm not a natural with kids but I'm good if we have a common interest to occupy us and spark conversation, but only having him over once a week it's very hard to have an influence on him. I just don't understand how my partner doesn't want to make changes? My partner is amazing at sport, and he wants his son to be too yet won't do anything to encourage or teach the boy. If I had a kid we would live at the park! My partner just does as the ex instructs and doesn't want to make an effort to try anything different. Is it easier for me to just accept not my kid, not my problem? And no, my partner can't even handle a conversation about it without getting stressed out, I've tried many times.

HarrietSchulenberg Tue 27-Dec-16 00:06:38

I think you have two choices: either just back off for now, or maybe stealthily introduce an indoor sport like table tennis. It could ease them both in and give them sport time together, and see if it sparks something.
You could set up a dining table TT kit one afternoon. Pretend you saw it in a sale and ask them to try it out for you.
Might just be the spark you need.

Lunar1 Tue 27-Dec-16 02:43:59

You can't introduce anything, your partner is lazy and sees him a few hours a week. If that's all he can be bothered with he should devote that time to his son. If you try to manage that time then your partner will have zero responsibility for his child.

Would you really want this man to be a parent to your future children?

Out2pasture Tue 27-Dec-16 03:28:17

frank I have a biological son who has very different interests and abilities to me and dh. it is very hard to find that which connects you. some years are easier than others. try and find something you two can do together and develop a bit of a relationship (after all he is visiting you regularly) I would like to think once your partner sees the boy smile and enjoy life a little he will join in with you two. may I suggest baking cookies? my introverted computer geek son enjoyed cooking.

Frankelly66 Tue 27-Dec-16 06:24:45

Thanks for advice so far. I think I'll do as you say, back off for awhile and then move into cooking and indoor sports down the track when I'm ready to try again. I guess I just felt as though I wanted to get bonding in whilst he was still very young. They take up a lot of your thoughts and planning in your life but to them you are just that woman who lives with dad, its definitely a long processed situation that takes time to accept your place

Thepurplehen Tue 27-Dec-16 18:42:01

I often think that my step children are very different to me and my son.

They are like their mum and don't really like to socialise, certainly don't like being outside (they have all been diagnosed as vitamin d deficient in the summer!). They do like arts and crafts and baking. I try and see the positives. Ds and I go off and do outdoorsy stuff.

Dp too gets frustrated with them but doesn't do enough to either show them alternative ways of being or embracing the people they are, in my opinion.

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