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Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

Step-parenting

Feeling upset and embrassed

109 replies

muttermuttergrrr · 23/12/2016 11:44

We've had the dsc since wed when the broke up from school going home xmas eve.

Anyway we opened their presents yesterday so there dad could see them do it and for the first year they bought me a present (been in their lives for 6 years) so was feeling really pleased that they had thought to do it.

Opened it and it was 2 diet books, I am a little overweight but fucking hell, it just seems a really nasty present to get me. Everyone laughed and dsd said, we thought we'd get you something you need.

I said thanks and went off to have a shower and cried, I know that it seems stupid but I was so pleased they'd included me and we'd had such a good year, and to get something that felt spiteful and have everyone laughing has really upset me.

DH thinks i'm being silly and they didn't mean any harm but im not so sure.

OP posts:

Report

llhj · 23/12/2016 11:46

How old are they?

ApocalypseNowt · 23/12/2016 11:48

How old are they?

I agree, it's very mean. Was your DH aware of what they'd got beforehand?

If he was he shouldn't have let them. I even if they didn't mean any harm, they have caused some so it can be an opportunity for your dh to have a chat with them about people's feelings/fat shaming, etc.

toldmywraath · 23/12/2016 11:49

That is really thoughtless of them. How old are they and do you reckon it was deliberately done? Your DH needs pulling up on his response, of course you'd be upset and embarrassed. It being the first gift they've ever bought you makes it so much worse.

muttermuttergrrr · 23/12/2016 11:49

SDS 11 and DSD 15. No he didn't know, he was pleased they'd got me something as well.

OP posts:

shakeyospeare · 23/12/2016 11:50

Oh, OP, that sounds pretty mean of them.

How old are they? Do you think it was meant in a gentle nudge for health reasons or was it genuinely spiteful?

A MIL once bought me tweezers for Christmas after many comments about my lovely thick brows compared to her slithers. Joke's on her now big brows are in vogue.

Big hugs. Don't let them see they've upset you, the little sods

cx5221 · 23/12/2016 11:50

That's horrible OP how old are they?

Do you have any diet books lying around like me or talk about being on a diet or anything in front of them? If yes to either of the above do you think they could have bought you something they thought you would read without understanding it's not really an appropriate gift?

I bought my own mum some terrible presents when I was a teenager probably the same sort of thing (or worse!) without understanding that they weren't the best presents even children who you think should be old enough to know better don't always understand appropriate gifts?

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 23/12/2016 11:50

Your DH needs to talk to them. Completely unacceptable.

muttermuttergrrr · 23/12/2016 11:51

I think Dsd did it deliberately, only because I don't believe at 15 and being how into her image and make up etc. she that she wouldn't have thought it was rude.

Not sure about dss, he more than likely just went along with whatever dsd picked out.

OP posts:

Gizlotsmum · 23/12/2016 11:52

They need to be told that was mean and hurtful

shakeyospeare · 23/12/2016 11:52

15 year old girls can be very mean when they want to be.

monkeywithacowface · 23/12/2016 11:53

That's fucking horrible and to be honest if your dh can't see that then that would be a deal breaker for me. I wouldn't want to be with someone who thought this was acceptable behaviour

walkingtheplank · 23/12/2016 11:53

Totally spiteful. I would be furious. You've presumably done lots for them over the years. Actually my anger would be directed towards DH. If that's how he feels you can see why his children are so thoughtless.

Sorry you've been treated in this way.

muttermuttergrrr · 23/12/2016 11:54

No not got diet books lying around. I am joining a running club in new year which dsd knew about but it doesn't feel like it was meant helpfully as the laughter that went along with it when I opened them. Surely if it was meant genuinely you wouldn't laugh as the person was opening them.

OP posts:

muttermuttergrrr · 23/12/2016 11:55

thanks, I wasn't sure I was over reacting as it was so played down by DH but it is nasty.

OP posts:

DearMrDilkington · 23/12/2016 11:56

That's really nasty. What did your dh say?

tinyterrors · 23/12/2016 11:56

Ouch. That's plain nasty. Yes she's still a child but at 15 she would have known how hurtful that would be. Your dh needs to pull them up in it and tell them how horrible it was.

walkingtheplank · 23/12/2016 11:57

The laughter shows that harm was meant. Your DH is an idiot for choosing not to understand this.

How about next meal you cook for him and his children is a plate of lettuce and celery - no time like the present to start you diet

muttermuttergrrr · 23/12/2016 11:57

he thought I was being silly and that basically they'd bought me a gift and I should be grateful

OP posts:

Dragonbait · 23/12/2016 11:58

I'm really sorry but I can't see this was anything other than a really passive agressive act by your dsd. The laughter then makes it difficult for you to get cross without looking like you're being unreasonable. There's no doubt in my mind it was intended to hurt you. At 15 she is old enough to know better. Do you but the Christmas presents for them or does DH do it? I know people will say I'm being awful but I'd get revenge next year if you do by playing to her anxieties!! Sorry but I'm annoyed for you!!

cx5221 · 23/12/2016 11:58

Oh sorry to hear that op I was hoping it could have been a stupid error of judgement.

She needs to be told if your dh won't do it then have a word with her yourself and if your dh thinks it's funny I'd be tempted to nip to the shop and buy him some hair thinning shampoo for him to open Christmas Day whether his hair is thinning or not and laugh when he opens it so he knows how it feels to be mocked about his appearance, but I'm childish

LeadPipe · 23/12/2016 11:59

Jesus that's really spiteful. Your DH should take it seriously as it's a deeply unkind thing to do to anyone.

Sorry this happened to you OP.

walkingtheplank · 23/12/2016 11:59

Buy your DH a penis enlarger and laugh when he opens it, preferably in front of an audience.

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user1482343889 · 23/12/2016 12:01

Have hubby speak to them and make them see how inappropriate it was, for example if one of them had a problem with acne would they appreciate a Christmas gift pointing that out, then he can tell them about how presents are given to make someone feel special and loved and their gift has done the opposite. Then he should leave it to them to think how best to rectify it. Sorry skipped the first important step your hubby needs to see how wrong it was

cx5221 · 23/12/2016 12:01

walkingtheplank you're on my wavelength

RandomMess · 23/12/2016 12:04

Yep that was nasty and your DH needs to pull them up on it - even if it weren't deliberate!!!

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