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Ex and our relationship

(8 Posts)
Lala1980 Mon 12-Dec-16 01:49:07

Ex alienating DP and his kids. Doing all I can to support but he's pushing me away now I feel isolated and unappreciated don't know what to do as I feel we need to be strong as a unit to get through this.

swingofthings Mon 12-Dec-16 08:56:47

Maybe he doesn't agree with you that his ex is alienating the children and him and think you are being toxic to the good functioning of raising children separately.

Indeed, you need to be strong as a unit, but that involves agreeing on what it is that needs doing rather than expecting one partner to align fully with their opinion on what is right.

How long have you been together? What are the issues? Can you remove yourself from the situation and let your partner deal with it himself? Are you communicating so that he can consider your position, as much as you are prepared to understand his reasons for acting the way he is?

Lala1980 Mon 12-Dec-16 10:41:39

Hi sorry not enough back story as I was upset last night.
We've been together 6 years and he is in the process of taking his ex to court over her alienation this year so it's not me inventing it.
I am trying to support him emotionally and financially with all I have but he's so depressed by it all that he's pushing me out and I don't know what to do.

swingofthings Mon 12-Dec-16 17:17:48

He's pushing you out because he is stressed rather than because he is angry/upset with you? If that's so, then it's probably a case of being patient with him to get him through it.

Is the issue that his ex has stopped contact with him? Or what do you mean by alienation?

Lala1980 Mon 12-Dec-16 17:51:45

Hi again. We used to have contact EOW and in school holidays as DP's ex moved 2 hours away. They alternated Christmas and new years. It was our turn last year, and we had a lovely Christmas. Then for some reason when he took the kids back after Christmas, the next time they were due to come for their weekend, she text to say they didn't want to come, and started doing that every time without good reason. We have tried to arrange mediation three times but she has used various different excuses, and we have now been issued with a C100 form which is lodged with the court awaiting a hearing. Her eldest son that she kicked out lives with us full time, so we cannot think of any truth or lie that she could have a problem with us or our homelife as a reason she doesn't want the other children to come that can't be negated with "if it's so bad here, why are you happy for eldest son to live there and haven't tried to "save" him"?
Sorry, rant over, it's been a stressful year for us all.
His ex has been very difficult over time, and although she ended their marriage by having an affair, and I didn't come on the scene til they were well and truly separated (so I was not the OW), she has always had an issue with me, and we can't figure out why. The children have previously told us lots of lies she has told them about us, and she used to do things like stop eldest DSS's ADD/sleep medication before our weekend so he'd play up for us. Lots of back stoiry but can't understand what she's scared of - DP doesn't want full custody or anything, he just wants to reinstate the access that stopped for no good reason. :-(

swingofthings Mon 12-Dec-16 19:15:43

How old are the kids? What does the eldest think of the situation? Does he visit his mum (and therefore siblings)?

Lala1980 Mon 12-Dec-16 21:27:14

DSS who lives with us is 14. Others are 12 10 and 8. Since she kicked him out 18 months ago she's seen him 3x. Not bothered with hm at all Its really affected him. x

Lala1980 Mon 19-Dec-16 08:16:36

Any further advice? Also does anyone know how quickly DP should get a court date after filing c100?

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