I'm sitting in my bedroom crying and I feel so alone and shit and so angry .
I don't even know where to start, I feel like I go out of my way for my step kids, in reality I could probably do so much more and I'm probably not doing as good a job as I think I am. But I try. I love them and I want the best for them and I try to treat them the same way I imagine I'd treat my own. I know they don't get much attention during the week and they get plonked in front of the tv and playstation to keep them quiet. So when they're here tv is reserved only for times when we are watching something as a family and the console is only for times when they've been really good and deserve a treat. They have so many toys here, colouring, books and boxes full of creative stuff, I try to encourage them to use their imaginations. On the whole they do and its lovely to hear and see the things that they draw and make. They are happy when they're here and as far as I know they love coming here - they ask almost every weekend if they can live with us.
I have been in their lives for 3 years, slowly I introduced certain rules and standards to uphold. Nothing crazy or 'evil' stepmothery, but things I know will benefit them in the long run, such as manners at the dinner table, please and thank you's, not interrupting people when they're talking, going to bed at a decent hour because they're 6 and 8, not watching inappropriate films like The Dark Knight (at the time, the eldest was 5 - it may be batman but it's just not appropriate).
I have no problem at all with the kids, only last night one of them told me that he wished I was his mum (I nearly died of happiness that I'm not fucking up as a step mother). It's my OH.
He's always accusing me of being a bitch and hating the kids and trying to ruin everyone's happiness because I don't let them rule the roost an example; we have a dog, so no, the kids cannot bring their entire lego collection into the lounge to play because they always leave bits and the dog finds them and hoovers them up. Apparently that makes me some sort of tyrant who doesn't want the kids in the lounge and who hates them.
If they want us to play with them, fine, they have a room each, loads of space for their toys and we both have legs so can go upstairs. If they want to be in the lounge, fine, go get a book and we'll read together, or a colouring book and we'll colour together. But lego is not a lounge activity for the above reason. Is this unreasonable of me?
So just now we had an argument because OH is about to cook dinner (we generally take it in turns, I cooked last night, but a lot of weekends I cook both nights, no drama, sometimes it just falls that way) and he's told the kids they can play on the console while he's cooking so he goes to set it up for them but can't find batteries. I know we have some but no idea where. I'm hoovering and then am going to sort the dry washing out and get the wet stuff out of the machine. Apparently I should know where they are and I need to help him find them, I don't know where they are because he is a sod for tidying things up and also for telling me he's 'looked everywhere' and in fact hasn't looked anywhere. So I told him I was busy and to try the kitchen drawers or the living room drawers. So he kicks off that he's trying to do so many things at once and i'm not helping him.
I go upstairs and start sorting the washing and he sends DSS up to ask if there are batteries in the TV remote in our room. OH knows that these are AAA batteries because he got some yesterday specially for it. I relay this to SS and OH appears at the bedroom door telling me i'm unhelpful and should carry on 'sitting by myself in the bedroom' and 'acting like I don't want to be part of the family'.
This happens all the time. If I so much as touch my phone these days it seems I'm not part of the family, i'm ignoring everyone, I'm addicted, I'm a facebook addict, I care more about the lives of strangers...the list goes on. If he goes on his phone though, that's fine.
It all sounds so petty but I ended up losing my temper and telling him i'm sick of everything always being my problem, he has eyes, I don't need to drop everything I'm doing every time he can't find something. So then he tells me i'm only annoyed because he let the kids on the console and I don't want them to be on it and i'm a cow and why do I not want the kids to have fun? They haven't been on it for months, they've been good this weekend, I have no problem with it, I never said I had a problem with it, so why does he think I do?
I'm just at the end of my tether with being accused of hating the kids all the time - I spent 4 hours on friday trawling the sales online to find the stuff on their christmas lists at a discount because we don't have a lot of spare money this year and have saved enough for a budget of £100 per child. I managed to find everything, within budget and he hasn't so much as said thank you. Just accused me of being an idiot when I accidentally got my totals from each store mixed up and told him that the stuff from one came to £80 when it was actually £110 and vice versa. I go to school plays, I take them to school when they stay over during the week, I pick them up from school when they stay over during the week. I'm involved and I do my step parental bit.
Don't get me wrong, i'm not a saint, I'm terrible at cleaning because I hate it and remembering to get the washing out of the machine, I like to sleep so don't often get up early on the weekends, I sometimes forget to do the food shop during the week and have to go on the weekends...i'm sure this list goes on too. But I don't deserve to be made to feel shit about my relationship with the kids because I put a lot of effort into them - I had a horrible step mum when I was a kid and I refuse to make my SS's feel like she made me feel.
I just want him to see that actually, i'm not that bad and he could have it so much worse and stop accusing me of hating his children because I don't agree with his disney dad bullshit and think we should bring them up as we would bring up any kids we had together.
Sorry this is an essay, I just felt like I had to get it all out, if you made it this far, thanks for taking the time to read it!
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Step-parenting
In need of a hand hold, or maybe a slap.
30 replies
Isthisusernamefree · 27/11/2016 17:11
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