For nearly 5 years DSDs now 11 and 12 have been living with us. This was due to a court order which came about following a refusal of contact - DP had not seen them for a few years. The culmination of this was their mom reacting in an extremely aggressive way towards the courts social services etc. Initially I empathised - whatever my feelings or experience of DP hers wasn't necessarily invalid, she was wrong to prevent them seeing their Dad but perhaps the authorities were over reacting. She was anti-establishment somewhat unusual but a care order and a limitation of contact was overkill. As time went by her behaviour during supervised contacts with the local authority became more bizarre apart from the framing of dad as generally evil, all authority as evil and theories such as flat earth encouragement of the children not to leave their rooms etc thus had a marked impact on the girls especially the eldest she would swing from interacting perfectly with everyone to retreating into desperate attempts to please her mom ( veganism to watching certain films parroting views etc) I took this as a normal attempt to connect with a mom she had lost. The girls agitated to see her more and DP and I supported with caution. All she has done is refuse to even let the local authority speak to her, view her home anything - again culminating in an incident with the police. The girls missed her dearly but they've grown with us and I've had to step in during all the growing pains and upsets and joys of being a tween. I did the birds and bees talk, dad was there for the first period the first boy, 11 plus exams for our little genius ( mom discourages formal education) first bra make up a boy she liked friends parties school play sleepovers being an Emo 30 minute school run all the costs family holidays and still mom would not budge but continued in her campaign against the authorities and I thought what about just cooperating for the girls? When the eldest dsd dared suggest mom spoke to social services so that they could see her she was told off by text. Now when she was getting married DP decided to facilitate some contact with mom because new husband came round to reason. I'm happy for the girls I really am but now and here is my step mom rAnt, I have bought them pads tampons etc - mom says that's not a good brand, bras sports bras - not cheap! Mom says they're not good ones these from primark are better. Our house is full of books - we watch films at mom's. and so on. I never wanted kids but they turned up unexpectedly we thought we would never see them, I threw myself in whole heartedly and I love them. I have listened to them blame dad for being taken away from her, he in fact opposed it, she in the first place asked social services to review him! And it backfired - This is the lament of step mom who feels like I have given all I have and will be left with nothing the courts will not let them live with mom so I and DP have to be taxi cleaner cook etc but mom is perfect I don't want to burst that bubble for themit is not their fault. I'm just tired and don't feel much appreciated. And no mom doesn't even acknowledge me just rubbishes anything I do- well lady I didn't ask for this I just love your kids - where the hell have you been? Glad that's off my chest.
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.
Step-parenting
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.