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My boyfriend had a step daughter and her mum is being funny with him

(7 Posts)
Louw12345 Sun 16-Oct-16 16:20:20

Ok my boyfriend was with his ex for years they have 2 children. One isn't his and one is. He met her when the eldest was very young and has brought her up as his own ever since. Since they have been split up he has them both every weekend and pays CM for them both every month.
Anyway since she has found out about me she's been funny with me. And has eve asked to meet me which I agreed to as over time I will be around the children and I would like her to be comfortable with that.
His non biological daughters birthday was on Friday and he hasn't been allowed to see her. He has rang and text with no reply. She dropped the kids of on Saturday then picked them up 30 mins l8r them dropped his biological son off and said ....isn't coming back tonight.
Hi mum always does a little tea party for the kids on their birthday but his ex rang saying she will have to cancel as no one told her about the party. (Please note he is ment to have the children Friday to sunday).
So she's picked the kids up and dropped them off twice today.
My boyfriend has told her he will go court if she can't stick to what they have agreed regarding access.
My question is what will happen regarding his non biological child. He's crushed that he's not seen her all weekend. Will the court go against him Coz he isn't her dad or will they help him given that he's been there and still is.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties Sun 16-Oct-16 16:31:07

Legally he doesn't have any right to custody of a step child. It will be an awful dragged out process to go through the courts anyway. It would be far better if this was resolved amicably, even if he has to see the children away from you for the time being.

He is paying child maintenance for his step child, although he is not obligated to, so I assume she is happy to take that. He needs to arrange a meeting with her and thrash this out. All I can think is that she's nervous about leaving her children in your company for some reason. It maybe that she wants to get to know you first?

Louw12345 Sun 16-Oct-16 16:36:06

Oh Im not around the children as of yet. And totally understand how she may feel. I have been in this situation with my own children so really don't want to rush anything as I'm thinking of how she may feel to.
Yes he pays for both children and has had both children every weekend since they broke.
Iv mentioned family meditation might be better for them

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties Sun 16-Oct-16 16:43:55

Mediation is a good suggestion. As this has all happened since him being with you, I can't help thinking that she is using the poor children as weapons to punish her ex. Perhaps she thought they would get back together? I hope he can get to the bottom of it.

Louw12345 Sun 16-Oct-16 17:34:14

He said he will wait and see how next weekend gos. Yes she is and it's horrible to see him go through this.
Yes iv also said that they have split afew times and he's always gone back to her but this time he hasn't wanted to. As soon as she found out about me she tried to kiss him and asked him to come back to her for the kids.
Im going through the same with my ex he's not seen the kids since he found out I'm with someone.
It's really putting the strain on our relationship I know it is. I just hope they both come to terms with it coz our children need both their parents in there lives.

NNChangeAgain Sun 16-Oct-16 18:50:49

Legally he doesn't have any right to custody of a step child.

He certainly wouldn't be given residency, but if he lived with his DSD for two years or more, he does have the right to apply for a child arrangement order to ensure that she continues to have contact with him.
Family law works on the basis that a child will benefit from continued contact with any adult who has shared day to day life with them for a prolonged period of time.

Mediation is the first step in any court process anyway, but it may come to a court order if the mum continues to use the DCs as a way of punishing your B/F for not remaining in a relationship with her.

Louw12345 Sun 16-Oct-16 19:20:54

Oh really I will let him know. He's brought her up as his own since she was young she's now 5. She even calls him daddy she knows no other person to be her dad.

He's spoken to the ex and she says she has no problem with me meeting the kids as long as she knows when so we have set a date for next month so it gives her plenty of time to get used to it. I know myself it's hard having anot her women around her children so I do want her to feel comfortable about the idea.
He had said if after the month she's still being like this he will look into child mediation and go from there.
Thank you for your help

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