New to this sort of thing but really need advice! I don't know if I'm irrational, selfish or just plain mean but me and DH have 3 children between us. DH has son (11), I have daughter (3) who DH has bought up since 1 year old and she calls dad (doesn't see biological for various reasons) and we have a 5 month old LG together. We have been together 2 years and got married 5 weeks ago. The day we got back from honeymoon SS moved in with us into a rented 2 bedroom house (LG still sleeps in my room and 3yo & 11yo shared). We have just bought a house and are currently doing it up. SS has fallen out with his mum and is determined he is living with us now. My issues are:
Firstly DH was supposed to drop DD off at school in the mornings as baby struggles with sleep but now has to do 30mile round trip to drop SS off at school so I have to drop DD off... resulting in baby being a rat bag all day... literally my children hate sleep!
Secondly the house we bought is 3 bed and my 2 were supposed to be having separate rooms. Mainly because I wake up several times a night when baby stirs (I'm sure all mums are like that!) and because in every house we have lived my 3yo has never had a room to call her own. Now SS has to have own room, taking baby's room meaning she has to stay in with me. And in future share with eldest daughter.
Thirdly, he is ALWAYS there. Just sitting there with us. My kids go to bed at 7 and then we normally have "adult time" just me and DH but now he is there and goes to bed at same time as me (I go to bed about 9-10 due to being up most of the night with baby) so me and DH get NO alone time... we have been married 5 weeks... Surely newlyweds need time together.
Fourthly, me and DH are currently living separately as rented house lease ran out and we moved into parents whilst doing up other house. However no room for all 5 of us so DH & SS stay at new house and myself & 2 DDs stay at parents. Without SS we could all stay here.
Am I being selfish as he was never part of the plan? SS has literally changed everything and it is only benefitting him. My girls miss out on their father as he isn't here due to being at other house with SS and I miss out on my husband. I feel like SS has taken DH away from me and DDs, and any time I do get to spend with DH, SS is present.
Before SS decided he wanted to live with us, we only saw him once or twice a month (due to his own choice not ours) so I barely know the boy and have no strong feelings towards him as we haven't bonded like that yet.
Any advise on what you think or would do?
Please bare in mind I have nothing against SS, he is a lovely boy, its just the situation.
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I'm struggling with SS please help!
118 replies
MumTo2GirlsDT · 07/10/2016 22:57
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