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What would you do

(5 Posts)
user1475061403 Wed 28-Sep-16 12:38:21

I am married to my DH of six years and both of us have a children from previous relationship and I have just given birth to DD 3 weeks ago.
My problem is I have a SS who is 17 he lives with us as his mother has remarried and since had 2 more children and DS was not getting along with his new step father.
SS has had some issues with things like anger and so on so we sought him help of a psychologist etc SS has even attempted suicide so cahms got involved too.
Me and DH have worked so hard as a team to help him and become more of an adult and to be happy within himself and to his credit he has come on so much I am so proud of him and love him as my own or as much as I can.
I had a horrid step mum and I vowed if I had step kids to never be like that.

Anyway my DH had a horrible time with his ex she was a spendaholic and would not stop spending and this eventually lead to serious debt issues.
She was a horrible woman who went off with his best friend.
I have never spoken badly about her in front of him because the child clearly does not need to hear that.
She took him off around the country moved him away with her new fella, got pregnant within months and he didnt see DH for a year or so.
In that time she had a child and got married.
She then calls DH by which time I was on the scene and decides she cannot cope with him and that we should take him on.
Which we did.
She was quick to take DH to CSA when she had him claiming over £300 a month yet when we had him she did not pay a penny towards him not even pocket money.
So we paid for all his clubs holidays school uniform and psychologist.

His mother is always getting inside of his head and messing him up and now she is being cruel to him by saying he can no longer see his younger sister because he forgot her 2nd bithday! he is 17 years old ffs.
This woman is an awful person and makes him feel low about himself all the time.
I love this child and he is not me my kid but I love him and it pains me to see him like this what would you do?

IzzyIsBusy Wed 28-Sep-16 17:03:05

Reassure him that you all love and care for him.
Explain that his mum may calm down and allow him to see his sister. However in the meantime he could write her a letter or keep a memory box to give his sister so that she knows he always cared.

You cannot force his mum in to reinstating contact sadly you can only support him to deal with it.
Poor lad he soubds like he has been through it.
Thank god you and his dad have been there for him.

PickachuPurrlease Wed 28-Sep-16 17:09:09

Poor young man, glad he has you in his life.

Agree with izzy I think all you can do is reassure him that you love him unconditionally, it sounds to me like you do. The idea of writing letters to his little sister is an excellent idea, he may feel he is then "doing" something.

So difficult and upsetting when NRP's treat their children in this way, it's really very heartbreaking to read.

lookluv Wed 28-Sep-16 20:12:38

You keep on doing what you are doing, loving him, reassuring him and allowing him to know his family care for him.

The letters are good, when his sister is old enough to make her own decisions about contact, she will know he tried.

Wish you had been my DCs step mum

BingbastardBunny Sun 02-Oct-16 20:29:39

Show him life does not have to be a constant drama. Basically, continue to be a normal supportive family and hopefully will grow up well and the scars will heal.

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