How do you split your bills in your house?

[Greenbigtree]

So my oh and his boys moved in with me temporarily whilst we sorted a proper home for us all. It became evident that him and the boys eat A LOT. He gave me 'pocket money' for living there and if I'm honest, I felt a bit hard done by financially.

We will be moving in together very soon and I just wondered how blended families sort their bills out.

I receive child benefit for my dd and he pays out maintenance.

We each have our children 50/50, but he has two. I know rent etc isn't different but obviously an extra child does cost more in terms of feeding, going out etc.

My oh hasn't had to pay bills since he split with his ex as he's been sofa surfing and living with parents, so he's not exactly switched on with budgeting.

After his maintenance is paid (which is a bloody lot, you may remember my post about how we have them 50/50 daytime, but not eves) we have just about the same amount of money each, left.

I'm just looking at a fair way and thinking head, over heart!

[swingofthings]

Work out your individual outgoings and then take these out from your total income. Whatever the other has more left of give half to the other so that in the end, both have similar disposable income.

[Redken24]

get an account , work out how much you both need to pay to be equal and try that way?
its hard trying to seperate finances - we have a joint account not sure if that would appeal?

[Wdigin2this]

Open a household account in the bank, use it to pay all bills including food shopping, the amount to go in each month to cover all of these costs.
Then work out a pro rata sum for each of you, based on numbers and levels of cost! For instance there are two of you, and three of him, so you'd be paying in 2/5ths and him 3/5ths, adjust this to account for more food consumed per person etc, so if it were £500 per month, you'd pay approx £175 and him £325.
That might sound like he is paying the bulk, but he and his sons are consuming the bulk aren't they!

[KP86]

If your relationship is at the stage of moving in together then combine finances.

Add all your money together (inc child benefit and any incoming maintenance), then work out what your family expenses are (housing, utilities, food, clothing, and some for misc like gifts, hair cuts, savings etc), then whatever is left gets split in two and you get it as your personal no-questions-asked spending money.

Decide in advance what comes from the joint family money (eg. if you take one of the kids out for coffee and cake, is that from personal spends or family bucket?) and see how you go.

There is no point in living as a family but having completely separate finances in terms of 'but there's three of you and only two of us' because it just keeps the divide of your old families there.

[DisneyMillie]

Everything goes in a joint account and we take the same amount each as "play money". We just live as one family and ignore the fact one of my dds isn't biologically his.

[ayeokthen]

DisneyMillie that's how we do it too. I can't think of another way to do it fairly, he has 2 DSDs he looks after as his own, took on my DS when we moved in together, and we have youngest 2 together. Maintenance, uniforms, cost of living, clothes, shoes, trips etc is all divvied up equally.

[ShotsFired]

I don't have children to consider, by my partner moved into my house (he left a prev partner who had accom in her name, so he has nothing, effectively)

After discussion, we ended up with a situation where he simply pays me what extra it costs me for him to live here. So he pays for the extra utilities he now uses, makes up the loss of the 25% council tax discount I used to get, the extra food shopping costs etc etc.

As time goes on/maybe we get married etc, this may change (and I will then be taking legal advice), but for now I am most comfortable with this arrangement, as it helps with some issues I have round self-security and suchlike. He is 100% on board with me and this decision/my reasons.

[AndNowItsSeven]

Either live as a family and share everything, or just don't bother.

[Thatwaslulu]

When my husband and I first moved in together I was pregnant with our son and he had full custody of his two teenage sons, and received maintenance from his ex wife. We had only been together a few months but pregnancy and low wages meant I was unable to continue living on my own. He converted his current account into a joint account and all our combined wages went in there, and we set up direct debits for the bills. We have never split the bills - we have always seen all property, possessions, income and expenditure as mutual assets and liabilities.

Now I earn considerably more than he does, we have a savings account and have set up a standing order to transfer some of my wages into it for emergencies. We don't see it as "my" money though - we don't even have a discussion about what we use money for, it's just there and for use by anyone who needs it.

I am slightly confused by the concept of separate bank accounts and disputes for those couples who are living together and/or married. I sort of see why those who don't live together normally may keep separate accounts, but isn't it part of being married or in a relationship that you are pooling everything?

[expatinscotland]

He seriously thought it was okay to only give you 'pocket money' for himself and his two kids to live at yours, eating you out of house and home?

And you want to move into another home with this cocklodger?

[ShotsFired]

Lulu I am slightly confused by the concept of separate bank accounts and disputes for those couples who are living together and/or married.^
^
Because we all find the way that works for us in our relationships and no one approach is unequivocally "the best" for everyone.

[Thatwaslulu]

Shots I wasn't suggesting that there was just one way, I hadn't encountered separate accounts before that's all - my parents have always had a joint account and it seemed natural to follow suit with my husband. I genuinely thought that all couples did the same thing until I started reading some of these posts.

[expatinscotland]

'I genuinely thought that all couples did the same thing until I started reading some of these posts.'

A lot of people do, particularly if they are not married and/or have children from other relationships.

[ShotsFired]

lulu just re-reading - sorry if my earlier post sounded unnecessarily aggressive, was not meant that way

[NZmonkey]

I'd hate to have a joint account with my husband it would make me resentful of my money (I work much longer hours so earn more) being spent on cigarettes, his toys and maintenance to his ex. Instead we each just pay half of all bills that come in. I do the weekly food shop for DH DSD and I and pay for it, but DH will pick up any extras if asked. I use my extra income to pay for things i like such as holidays and days out for all of us. That way both of us spend our own money however we like with out having to feel bad about using the others money.

[BlueberrySky]

After both being taken advantage of financially by previous partners we were both fairly private about our money. Though after 10 years together that has changed. Still separate bank accounts though.

On moving in together, we opened a joint account for bills and food. We both paid the same amount in, even though I had more kids, he earned a lot more than me. With regard to rent/mortgage he has always paid the bulk, 60/40, because we could not have the type of house he wanted as I could not afford to pay half, if he did not pay more. For days out and holidays, we used to split the cost, now DH pays for most things.

Other friends I know, split the bills and mortgage by the percentage of their financial contribution to the home, but they tend not to be blended families.

You also need to consider the increase in bills for washing and cooking, having more people in the house. It can make a difference. You do need to make sure that you are not financially worse off with him living with you.

With regard to blended finances I would be very wary of that at this early stage.

Sit down and do a budget of how you will manage the finances when you find a new place, then he should realise how expensive it will be, and you can agree who will pay when. Then you can talk about how much more it is costing you with them living with you now and agree an amount based on the budget you have just discussed.

[princessjonsie67]

You do what's best for you but how we work is this

rent/council tax/utilities are split 50/50
Food is split in a unique way (like I said it works for us so no nasty comments as we don't care) . Anything he eats he buys Food I only eat I buy and anything we jointly eat or is for the household we split 50/50

If the kids are in the house the house we spilt it four ways and then he pays half and I pay half as we have a child each. Complicated YES works and leads to no arguments BIG YES

[Ghostqueen]

We have a separate account each and a joint account. Whatever wages we both get we first take off personal expenses such as phone, petrol, maintenance, have the same amount of treat money (£50) and whatever is left goes in the joint account to cover bills and savings. So some months he pays more, some months I do. We don't keep tabs. We cover his son and our daughter's food, clothing etc from joint account.