Pregnancy & Stepchildren(6 Posts)
I'm new to this forum (although I've been a lurker and often come here to look for answers to pregnancy queries I've had). I have posted this on the pregnancy board but thought it might be an idea to post it here too. I'm just looking for some advice from anyone who has been in a similar situation. I'm currently nearly 31weeks pregnant with my first baby. I have a 6 (nearly 7) year old stepson. After initially showing excitement over having a new baby around, over the last few weeks he has started playing up, throwing almighty tantrums over the smallest things (not necessarily baby related), calling me and his dad selfish for having a baby without asking him first, telling us he doesn't want to be a brother, hes showing no desire to be involved in getting ready for the baby's arrivals and storms off everytime anyone dares mention the baby. We've tried to get him involved, and as we've decorated the baby's room we have also re-decorated his room. We have part-time custody of him and I am wondering if his mum has been putting doubts and concerns in his mind, he won't open up to us about how he is feeling and me and his dad don't have a good relationship with his mum so we are unable to voice our concerns to her. I'm worried that the closer it gets to what should be an exciting time the worst his behaviour is going to get and we are unsure of what we can do it make it easier for everyone.
A 6/7 year old who is not a step child might react in the same way. He's had his whole life being an only child. Keep doing what you're doing, time will show him that he won't pushed out and forgotten.
Don't expect a 6 yo to be as excited as you are especially when the concept of becoming a sibling will remain very abstract to him. Maybe he is fed up that too much pressure is being put on him to be excited when he doesn't really understand what he is supposed to be excited about.
Add this to start of a new year, new teacher, back to more rigid regime and he is just tired and reacting as kids do at that age. Just tackle the behaviour and keep mention of the baby to minimum for now. Talk about the baby when he brings it up.
Do you do lots of stuff which isn't baby related?
Perhaps he is bored of it all being about the new baby?
I've seen this in full siblings, too. Jealousy, a bit of boredom with the whole baby thing and a bit of fear. He won't be the baby soon.
I'd tackle it two ways, first baby him a bit and second big him up. He'll be a big brother soon, remind him. It has its downsides (no longer the cutest, sharing...), but of course he won't be the littlest and most junior soon either.
DSDs mum had a new baby recently, within 3 weeks of DSD starting school and increasing her time spent with her dad. DSD had also showed excitement about having a new sibling. However she went from being a lovely, well behaved child to shouting, screaming, throwing things (including a chair at the baby last week), urinating all over her room, pinching, hitting, kicking.... the list goes on. Thankfully for me, she has saved this all for her mothers house where the new baby is and is still a lovely well behaved child at ours.
I think Swings idea of Just tackle the behaviour and keep mention of the baby to minimum for now is a really good one. Your DP also needs to when the baby is mentioned continue to remind his DS how much he loves him and will continue to love him and that the baby wont replace him. It may also be a good idea for your DP to find something him and his DS can do just the two of them that they will still be able to do once the baby is born that is special to them.
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