Too much reckless and irresponsible digs bring wrapped up as 'advice' on here. Too much assumption that posters are bad step mums or bad people because they admit to a struggle with their feeling towards a DSC
OP I do totally agree with you here. Whilst I agree with listening to different perspectives, there does seem to be a tendency for posters on this step parenting board to be a 'weighing in' from women who have a gripe about their own kids step mum, or step parents. I've seen and experienced it a lot, and usually I have to say it is not someone who has actually read the original OP very carefully at all.
It worries me with step mums who are newly posting, who are at quite a low and desperate stage.
I was myself at this stage last year, I was really struggling and had an awful time. Mumsnet was the one place I hoped to be judged on my own situation, not just an excuse for others to vent and project onto me their RL grievances. It was then that some posts really upset me and made me question my sanity! I honestly didn't mind being challenged 'fairly' i.e. someone who had actually read my post. But really the reactions that were most aggressive were the ones who were talking about their own lives tbh. I can see that now, but it did hurt at the time.
Having said that, I also have had a huge amount of support on here. And I don't mean just agreeing with me. I have questioned some of my own motives and behaviour as a SM. But I have learned whose posts here are credible, reasoned, and who get me to think about what I am doing. I do think it is really healthy not to have people agree with you all the time, so I would have this board to be just a blanket - a SM is completely right all the time. Indeed I have found myself disagreeing with other SM and occasionally saying that I thought their actions were not good, or were adversely affecting their step children.
Some SMs are more selfish than others, just like in RL, I get that.
And now I am a bit stronger, I can use these boards with the same thick skin that I have had to develop as a SM in RL. And it's really useful. I can now gain even from the perspectives of non SMs who can be very biased, as I have learned to know where they are coming from.
However, I would say again, any new SMs who really are in a bit of a terrible state, very low, anxious, totally isolated. Let's lay off the weighing in by non step mums who only have their own axe to grind. I get that it's not as bad as some forums. But still, I would like to think that that we give each other as human beings the integrity of being listened to and retain our responsibility that just trashing someone is just trolling. Let's not do that!