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Stepson and Daughter licking/showing each other bums. How to handle?

(34 Posts)
deVelvet Fri 02-Sep-16 13:22:34

Yesterday dss (5) and dd (6) were caught (for want of a better word) licking each others bums and dss showed his willy to dd.

DP and I sat them down together, discussed how private parts within pants should not be shown to anyone else and certainly no licking/touching etc.

Told them this behavior was very serious and to emphasise the seriousness we told them that they could get in trouble with the police.

Children were upset, of course as naturally I felt this was pure innocent but we had to nip in the bud.

We feel they understood about their private parts being for them only.

We don't bathe the kids together and as for toilet etc, girls go with girls and boys with boys etc. So this I feel was enough.

Anyway, I mentioned to dss mum about the conversation we had to have with both and now I'm worried that she may use this against us.

How normal is this behaviour? Did we deal with it ok? Any suggestions otherwise?

CheekyMcgee Fri 02-Sep-16 13:25:17

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Crapple3030 Fri 02-Sep-16 13:25:37

Bit of an awkward one I guess, my 3dds have all indulged in this sort of thing from time to time at that age. Sounds like you handled it appropriately, not sure I'd have brought the police into it tbh but no biggie.

P1nkP0ppy Fri 02-Sep-16 13:25:44

Where the hell did they get the idea from?
It's not something I've ever heard children of that age doing.

JennyOnAPlate Fri 02-Sep-16 13:28:30

I'm pretty sure it would never occur to most children of that age to lick each other's bottoms.

I would be having a conversation with social services.

CheekyMcgee Fri 02-Sep-16 13:28:35

You think threatening your children with the police is appropriate? facepalm

deVelvet Fri 02-Sep-16 13:28:36

Ermine yes cheeky I am for real. Weird that you ask that?

I have no idea where they got the idea from tbh. Perhaps I should have asked.

deVelvet Fri 02-Sep-16 13:30:51

Go on then cheeky. Enlighten me? How would you handle this?
What would you do in a situation like that?

JennyOnAPlate Fri 02-Sep-16 13:32:02

Oh and yes, teaching your children to be afraid of the police is really unwise.

Mybeardeddragonjustdied2016 Fri 02-Sep-16 13:32:25

Maybe they have seen dogs sniffing bums? Do either have access to Internet unsupervised? Older kids unsupervised? Dss side of things? (dm /friends etc?) Needs looking into I feel. And I would have mentioned police also!

ShirleyKnotReboot Fri 02-Sep-16 13:33:25

Social Services? The POLICE?

Fucking Hell. Is this where we are now?

I just wrote a lot of things about stuff I did as a kid and then I thought 'maybe I shouldn't put this on this thread just in case it's not kosher IYKWIM?)

babba2014 Fri 02-Sep-16 13:34:20

When I was 5 boys used to do this type of stuff. Actually in nursery too. I wouldn't be surprised if they learnt from there. Tell them a firm no.

deVelvet Fri 02-Sep-16 13:35:36

I don't know where we are now in all honesty. I had never anticipated this even being a thing!

allegretto Fri 02-Sep-16 13:37:14

Just tell them that private parts are private. It is quite common behaviour. Bringing the police into it is ridiculous and counterproductive.

deVelvet Fri 02-Sep-16 13:38:22

No access to Internet unsupervised.
We do have a cat and a dog though confused
I don't think it's a massive issue, just innocence really.
Both did have a habit of licking people - arms, faces etc when they hugged or kissed us - but we put a stop to y hat ages ago

Batteriesallgone Fri 02-Sep-16 13:39:50

The police? You don't want children to be scared of the police.

Why not say licking bottoms can make you ill in the same way scratching your bum and licking it can make you ill (worms for starters). Showing genitalia - do they have books about bodies? Explaining penises, vulvas etc? If not I'd buy them both one and say if you are interested in private parts you can look at the book.

I really wouldn't turn it into a fear / punishment thing. Then they'll just do it in secret and who knows how far it will go once they realise they're not genetically related so sex is 'OK' (I knew a fair few teenagers when I was that age who lost virginity to step-siblings)

deVelvet Fri 02-Sep-16 13:46:24

I don't feel I threatened with the police. I told them that this kind of thing could get them in trouble. Accept this was not best thing to do. I was a bit shocked tbh and didn't have a clue what to say

Kids are not afraid of police at all.

deVelvet Fri 02-Sep-16 13:47:37

Thanks Batteries. Good advice there flowers

JuicyMouth Fri 02-Sep-16 13:49:32

Children do tend to do these things. SOME children, but not all. I remember the same when I was at nursery and a bit older.

My stepson (5), has tried similar with both my son (6) and my daughter (2). Both times I gave him a very stern talking to, and repeateded the "privates are private" lecture I give my own children often. Other than that, just keep a very close eye on them in future.

deVelvet Fri 02-Sep-16 13:52:41

Thanks juicy.

Yes I have always told dd that privates are private - they obviously saw this as some sort of game. Just need to keep emphasising that fact

SpeakNoWords Fri 02-Sep-16 13:52:43

They wouldn't be "in trouble with the Police" anyway as they are 5 and 6, they're far too young to be considered criminally responsible for anything. It's a pointless thing to say, but clearly you were caught on the hop and didn't know what to say.

I think re-emphasising the NSPCC pants rule is the way to go, plus keeping an eye out for any other behaviour that might concern you. I think exploration can be normal at this age and the key thing is to make sure your children know they can talk to you about anything.

RunningLulu Fri 02-Sep-16 13:58:24

Kids are just exploring their bodies. No permanent harm & they likely would have forgotten all about it had you not intervened.

heavenlypink Fri 02-Sep-16 13:59:05

Definitely don't threaten them with the police. Several forces have put out campaigns like this one

deVelvet Fri 02-Sep-16 13:59:53

I think so too Lulu. Was shocked tbh.

I was truly caught on the hop with that one.

If there was a pause button I could have come onto MN smile

JinkxMonsoon Fri 02-Sep-16 14:00:43

When you say licking bums, I take it you mean buttocks rather than anuses?

Google the NSPCC "Pants rule". There's even a song. Age appropriate stuff to explain what is private and what is appropriate.

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