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Moving in with my partner...

(12 Posts)
4boysnosleep Mon 29-Aug-16 23:19:45

Hi, my first post on here! Although I have had a look around, I have not been able to find any real info about my current situation - I have looked here and generally on line. I'll be as brief as I can, and would really appreciate any comments you might have... Hopefully this is in the right thread.

I'm a bloke, and I would like to move in with my girlfriend of 4 years. She has 4 boys (15,12,7 and 5). She works 30 hours a week, and recieves working tax and child tax credits(I hope those are the correct terms). She has a mortgage and all the bills that come along with it. She recieves maintenance from the father monthly. They are currently going through the divorce process.

She manages her finances very well, and has done so since they split about 5 years ago. We would like to live together, but are uncertain of the implications when it comes to what she currently recieves in terms of the tax and child benefits. Would my income then come into things when reviewing her entitlements?

While I get on great with the kids, and we do a lot of 'family' stuff together, the financial side of raising them has been between my gf and the father - in terms of scool expenses, extra curricular activities and general clothing and food, which is covered by the maintenance and her total income. By moving into the house, do I effectively take on some of the financial responsibility of the children (which will result in any help from the government being lowered from its current level)?

At the moment we do not plan on getting married, but we feel we have been together long enough, and the boys are comfortable enough that we should move on, and, well, move in.

I'd appreciate any insight you might be able to give. Thank you

wheresthel1ght Tue 30-Aug-16 00:09:26

Yes your income will be taken into account for her benefits. So yes there is an expectation that you will contribute towards the roof over their heads etc.

As for school expenses and the maintenance that is a separate issue and your income is not taken into account so nothing should alter for her there.

Your best bet is to look at he HmrC website and the benefits calculator as that will tell you exactly what the financial picture will look like

CRazzyyAce Tue 30-Aug-16 09:19:36

Obviously the tax credits and child tax will go down as your income is considered. The question you've got to ask yourself are you prepared to contribute fianically to the household if not and you move in its benefit fraud depends on how much you want to further your relationship.

LumpyMcBentface Tue 30-Aug-16 09:24:05

She's likely to lose the tax credits if you have a healthy income (and child benefit if you earn more than £60k).

In your position I would expect to be contributing financially, but it's up to the two of you to work out a level you're both happy with.

In my situation, I was made redundant just before moving in with Dh and had two preschoolers. He completely financially supported us for a year as I lost nearly £2k a month in wages, tax credits and other benefits. But I appreciate that wouldn't work for everyone.

Bananasinpyjamas1 Tue 30-Aug-16 09:28:58

Yes you will have to take on some of that financial contribution, as she will no longer be able to claim some benefits. But then you will have the benefit of sharing mortgage and bills too, so that a lot of this will be offset. She also doens't sound like a needy person and has pulled her own weight even having four kids.

Two things strike me, there are four kids here, I've moved in with four step kids and it was a lot of work! Teenagers... How do you get on with them? Will they accept you in a parental role I.e. Discipline etc? You will be effectively coming into their home and their lives... Which may mean that you are expected to do all the adjusting. I'd seriously recommend you and gf talk a lot about possible problems, scenarios before they arise.

The house.
I'd also recommend a cohabitation agreement, go and see a solicitor. Whose name will be on the mortgage? Are you expecting to be part of the house? To own any of it? Think about wills, if one of you died, who would the house go to?

4boysnosleep Tue 30-Aug-16 10:01:27

Hi. Thank you for your replies! We would be splitting the household stuff. It probably wouldn't be 50/50, as my name wouldn't be on the mortgage, which I am fine with - she and the kids have kinda earned that over the last few years! I have never really contributed directly to the kids financially (save the treats and bits and bobs on days out/nights in etc), so it looks like that will change if I move in. Think the ex might see this as me taking some of his father duty away from him - he can be hard work...

My income is way below £60k, looking at roughly a third of that. I am also finding my feet again after being made redundant back in March.

The gf is very far from needy! She does a great job juggling/managing what she does - I don't want to put her and the kids at a disadvantage! The HMRC website could use someone who can write very simple and clear information, it would help me at least!

As for the kids... apart from the usual brotherly 'love', they are good kids. The older ones are just about grown up enough to listen and moan when I speak to them, and the younger ones have definitely spent more time with me since the ex left than him - they listen to me/us, and I have definitely got a great relationship with them, with their help of course!

If anyone has experienced this situation, be great to hear how things went, but for now, thank you for your replies!

Lelloteddy Tue 30-Aug-16 22:45:56

Check out the Entitledto website. You can enter all your figures there, it will give you an estimate of what changes would occur with regards her tax credits and then you can sit down and plan your financial input accordingly.

Step0 Wed 31-Aug-16 10:04:14

My OH moved in with me and the kids stay with us a few times a week. I pay all the mortgage, as it is solely in my name and I earn more money. My OH pays the maintenance and we split all of the bills. To be honest, I spend lots of my money on the kids. I buy them food, clothes, toys etc. But when I started a relationship with my OH, I knew he had kids and that they would be a big part of our life, the financial aspect is just part of that.

4boysnosleep Fri 09-Sep-16 00:00:42

Thank you for your replies! Looking forward to seeing how things go from here!

Lovemusic33 Tue 13-Sep-16 12:15:42

My partner moved in ten months ago, all the bills still go out of my account, he lets me a set amount a week which covers half my bills ( rent, utilities) and he helps towards the weekly food shop. Tax credits have changed but not by much as I have a child climbing higher rate disability, he earns too much to claim working tax so we just get child tax credit. I am worse off than I was before he moved in but only slightly, I pay for my children ( clothes, school trips etc... ) and I don't expect him to pay towards them. The lease of the house remains in my name so if anything was to go wrong I don't lose my home, we have no plans on getting married, I am quite happy with the way we are doing things, he's kind of a lodger ( one that shares my bed ).

swingofthings Tue 13-Sep-16 18:44:51

My OH has experienced it! He loves to say how he used to be rich and now isn't, but with a glint in his eyes and added that I was worth all the money he lost!

The reality is that whereas I found myself in a slightly better position, he didn't. In your case, you have to consider that she might indeed lose all her tax credits or at least a large chunk of it, so you will need to consider the impact this will have on you as a family. Will she be able to do without on the basis that you will now be contributing to the bills? Or will she then need to rely on your income to make up the difference? What would happen if maintenance stopped for whatever reason, would you be ok?

Remember that however you continue to keep your finances separate (as my OH and I did), the government will consider you as joint, so any benefits either of you claim will take into account the other's partner, and that includes anything related to her children.

My OH (now husband) and I agreed from the start that we both wanted to retain our independence when it came to managing our money and we agreed that what was fair was that once all bills were paid, some by him, some by me, we would be left with an equal amount of disposable income. As he pays more bills, I transfer some money into his account to make it balanced. It works for us as neither of us liked the idea of a joint account, probably because of the habit of knowing exactly where our money goes and what we have left.

Mrsx3 Wed 14-Sep-16 13:21:17

Hi OP,

I am a divorced mum of three teen dc and remarried. The house is is my name and paid off, so no mortgage. How me and dh work our finances is pretty straightforward - he pays all the household bills (about £500 a month) and I pay for all the food which is about £600 a month. I am happy to pay more as my three eat a lot smile . My dc dad is very active in their lives and has them 2/3 nights a week, sometimes the eldest one more as he has a part time job in a bar and my exdh will often pick him up from his shift and he will stay with his dad overnight so as not to wake my household up smile . My exdh doesnt pay any maintenance to me as it works out 50/50 and we both earn the same salary really. Me and my exdh pay for our dc clothes, treats, activities etc between us so my dh doesn't have to contribute and nor do I expect him to.

My dh knows i pay a lot out a month for my kids, teens are expensive! so he always pays for our date nights and treats for me / us.

We have been married 5 years now and of course in that time he has spent money on days out for us all, meals out, ice creams and our joint savings account which we pay into each month will cover one holiday a year for us and dc and one for us as a couple.

We have a joint savings account which we both pay £250 a month into. this is for our holidays and any home emergencies, like when the fridge packs up etc. We obviously have our own accounts that our salaried are paid into and then he pays for bills out of his and I buy food out of mine. We each run and pay for our own car.

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