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Advice regarding contact

(4 Posts)
Mermaidsandbutterflies Wed 24-Aug-16 11:11:11

Hi All

Looking for a bit of advice for my partner. He has a 9 year old DC with his ex wife and they don't have any form of set contact times/days its always just been very flexible as he runs his own business so sometimes work demands that he can't have his DC on set days so they've always kept it quite flexible.

Anyway, his ex wife recently met someone else and I don't know the ins and outs but he seems to have quite a bit of money and doesn't work (maybe he won the lottery who knows lol).
My partners ex wife has recently started a new job that allows her to take her DC to work with her which her DC loves as it means he gets to play with other children.

My partner hasn't seen much of his DC at all these summer holidays because his ex wifes new partner has been arranging lots of activities to do every day, he has his own DC which my partners DC gets along great with and they go here there and everywhere on a daily basis - great for them but unfortunately that means my partners DC doesn't want to spend any time with him because "we don't do anything fun". His ex wife works part time so they do activities on the days she doesn't work and then the days she does work her DC likes to go with her and play with the other kids.

As much as we would like to take him here there and everywhere all the time we just cant afford it, we've tried to do things with him that don't cost much money like a day out at the beach with a picnic but then his ex wifes partner will say they are doing x y z on that day and he will prefer to do that so he doesn't end up coming with us.

My partner is really upset that he hasn't spent any time with his DC but at the same time he said he isn't going to stop him from doing all these fun things as its nice that he has the opportunity to do stuff he never did as a child and do things that he can't afford to do with him and that he would never force him to spend time with us if he doesn't want to.
I can understand that but at the same time at what point do you say enough is enough and that sometimes life isn't all about doing fun things every day and spending lots of money?

The other problem is, with my partners ex wifes job she expects my partner to go down and do things for her with regards to her business like fix things, if he says no she gets her DC to ring him and start cying down the phone saying you never help my mummy etc but why should my partner do these things for her? Surely her new partner should be doing things for her like that, especially as it doesn't really benefit the DC.

I know he could probably enforce the contact with a court order etc but is there any point? If the DC doesn't want to spend time with my partner what is the point in forcing it?

Any experience anyone?

Lovemusic33 Wed 24-Aug-16 17:35:25

Your partners ex seems to be a bit controlling and it sounds like she's not being flexible. I know some children like to chose what they are doing and obviously if something better is on offer they will want to do that. I think or partner needs to put his foot down a bit and agree to one day a week where his son has to come over (even if it's not all day) so he stays in contact, he shouldn't have to offer a great day out r spend lots of money to entertain him. I do know it's hard though as this happened with my ex husbands children as they grew up, they became quite manipulative ( we will come over if you take us to such and such, or if you buy such and such ).

Redken24 Mon 29-Aug-16 14:54:32

There is every point in forcing it?
Get something in place for consistent contact - the relationship between father and son should be a priority. Especially coming up to the teen years.
Im sure these days out will still happen on other days.

RandomMess Mon 29-Aug-16 15:10:10

Yes you need to establish regular contact else their relationship will suffer.

Your DP needs to regulate his schedule to give notice of when you would like contact more in advance than he has been, then he needs to be firm with his ex that he will be collecting his DS for contact. It may be that you have his DS for 2 evenings per week or something but little and often is still great at such a young age to keep the relationship close.

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