Breaking up, but kids love each other

[GeordieBadgers]

My soon to be ex has different parenting techniques to me. His daughter is a chronic whinger and a bit spoiled. I don't blame her. She's only 6. Her dad (my partner) panders to her and sends many mixed messages re: behaviour (e.g. winding her up but telling her not to do the same to other kids). He thinks he's an awesome patent and no doubt enjoys parenting.

Anyway, my DC (aged 4 and 6) love his daughter. They play together and have sleepovers. I know for my sanity I need to go NC with him. I've tried to explain to my DC but they're very upset. I feel terribly guilty. How to handle this? It's the first blended family situation I've been in.

We've been together 6 months btw. In heinsight I will wait longer in future before blending. I've learned my lesson.

[Wdigin2this]

Well, there's not a lot you can do really, if you feel you have to get out of this relationship...then you must! But you could make it easier for all the children by having his DD over for a play date a few times, maybe leave each visit a little longer until yours get used to not seeing her so much!

[Lookatyourwatchnow]

The children will no doubt be a bit upset and confused for a little while. It is what it is now, but I really believe 6 months is far to soon for you to have chosen to integrate the children to that extent. Too soon for them to have met at all, in fact.

[PopFizz]

We can all say it was too soon, but that doesnt help you right now.

I think you have to make the break, and spend some time making weekendsfun just the three of you. With camps in the front room, midnight feasts, movie nights. With them being 4 and 6 they'll soon start speaking of her as a fond memory but less and less. And it will happen, kids are resilient (and fickle tbh!)

But yes, next time slower!! A boyfriend meeting kids briefly around 4-5 months is ok. Meeting their children for an hour play date after six months etc. But no way integrate your families together this quick. But you know that now.

[FallenStar3]

This why it's really important you fully know your partner before blending but at the time you would have a big insight living together and seeing if it would work or not, in this case it hasn't. I would go NC and in time the children will stop asking to see your ex's DD.