DSD upsetting DS

(10 Posts)
Fouristhebestnumber Sun 07-Aug-16 09:35:41

Ds is 5 (nearly 6) and dsd is just turned 8.

They do truly seem to love each other. They play together constantly, they call each other their best friend, they want to eat the same dinner - you get the picture.

However I think that dsd knows how devoted ds is to her, and any time he does something that steps out of line for her, eg he doesn't want to play a game she wants to, or he wants to play with dss1 or dss2 instead of her, or she wants to play upstairs and he wants to play downstairs - she'll say to him "right I'm not your friend now, I don't like you anymore" and it breaks his heart, he is sobbing and he won't be happy again until she 'forgives' him, then its like it never happened ... Until the next time. This happens multiple times a day.

Is this normal behaviour? I don't want ds having any emotional damage from this.

Ginmakesitallok Sun 07-Aug-16 09:37:35

If my 2 are anything to go by its normal behaviour.

Whatthefreakinwhatnow Sun 07-Aug-16 09:38:56

emotional damage?! confused

Perfectly typical sibling behaviour!

Fouristhebestnumber Sun 07-Aug-16 09:42:09

Thank you. I hoped it was. Ds is my only you see, until DH came along 3 years ago with 3 children of his own. Largely it's been great and ds adores having step siblings.

AnneGables Sun 07-Aug-16 09:42:33

Sounds very normal, just normal sibling behaviour, which is good, it shows how close they are.

My ds and dsd are similar ages and have the same kind of relationship, I used to get very sensitive about things, but try and always remember it's just what siblings do, I had the same with my sisters too. It's not nice to see your ds upset, but it usually hurts us more than it hurts them.

TheArtistFormerlyKnownAs Sun 07-Aug-16 10:02:38

It sounds like they have a lovely, and very normal, sibling relationship. My DS7 and DS6 adore each other and are both nice kids but I also see them treat each other in ways that seem to me to be cruel and manipulative. It can be upsetting to see but I think it's normal. That doesn't mean I ignore it -- we talk about respect and kindness a lot and I try to give them the language to work it out themselves as much as possible, and I do intervene when I feel it's warranted. But I wouldn't worry about emotional damage, ig sounds like you have a lovely family.

navylily Sun 07-Aug-16 12:03:30

I think sibling relationships are always a bit uneven like that. The younger one always idealises the older one, whilst they can take or leave their younger sibling a lot of the time. I think it's normal and your DS will learn to cope with his she is with him. Maybe try to invite a friend round for him sometimes?

youarenotkiddingme Sun 07-Aug-16 12:12:18

Normal for siblings and age of you DSD.

It's pretty standard year 4/5 behaviour where children start to learn they can control others through their behaviour.

You'll probably find your DSD gets this at school from friends and has found she can get her brother to comply doing it with him at home!

She'll find it a shock the day your Ds says "fine, I'm doing x instead!"

UnexpectedBaggage Sun 07-Aug-16 12:18:43

It may well be normal but it isn't very nice of DSD. I'd have a word about being bossy and spiteful not being acceptable.

Northernparent68 Sun 07-Aug-16 18:21:24

I agree with unexpected baggage, If you do not challenge this your sd will learn she can get away with manipulating people, and your son will turn into someone who lets himself be manipulated.

There is a real risk their relationship won't change and your sd will always manipulate your son

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