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Anyone like their DCs step parent?

(14 Posts)
LolaLockdale Mon 25-Jul-16 13:53:49

I have 2 DDs and I really like their Step Mum although I always wonder why she's with XH.

My DDs are 9 and 11, XH and SM have been together for 6 years, she's has 3 Teen DC.

Their are just lots of good things that come with an extra pair of hands. When DD1 was starting secondary all of her step siblings were already their, so she knew lots of the older kids, had heard about the teachers and wasn't nervous at all.

When DD2 fell ill at school and DH and I had failed to pick up, I was in a meeting and he was on a plane, they managed to get a hold of SM who picked her up and took her home till she managed to get a hold of me.

She gets the DDs great presents, buys them clothes, treats them well etc I really don't have a bad thing to say about her, I think SM's sadly have a bad rep but the majority I think are fab grin

FayaMAMA Mon 25-Jul-16 15:04:33

Slightly different point of view, but my mother and step-mum have a really good relationship. It was definitely forced at the beginning, as they had differing opinions of what to do when my older siblings were being "difficult" in their teen years - but apart from that they're potentially strangely friendly.

My parents divorced very amicably though, so I guess that helped. Plus, I am one of 7 children, so her extra pair of hands definitely helped raising us all (as well as her extra income, if that's not inappropriate to acknowledge).

I know a lot of people are nervous about having their divorced parents/step parents in a room together - but I've been on a 'girls weekend' with my sisters, mum, step mum, aunts and cousins before. Having a mum and step mum who were/are friendly is so helpful from a practical point of view but is also really beneficial to the children!

I have recently started dating a guy with children and really hope I can have some kind of relationship with his ex!

ayeokthen Mon 25-Jul-16 15:08:38

I do. My XH is an absolute toad, and sometimes for her sake I wish she'd get away from him, but selfishly I like that she's around because I know DS is well cared for by her and that she genuinely enjoys spending time with him. She's really nice, and openly tries to communicate with me which XH hates. She told me they'd got engaged and that the ring was a "family heirloom", aye no kidding, it was my old one!!! Bless her, he's an abusive twat and she can't see it yet, but at least when she's there DS is safe, fed, clean and happy.

swingofthings Mon 25-Jul-16 15:36:34

I don't know if I like her, but I do respect her. I didn't use to, as a matter of fact, I hated the way she manipulated ex who until then hardly got involved with the children unless I encouraged him, but once she came in the picture, she encouraged him to have them more (good) on his (ie. her) terms only (not so good!).

I know she didn't like me at all to start with but as time passed, we got to see a different person to who we thought we were. More importantly, she certainly has been a perfect SM for my kids, both caring for them, giving them so attention, but never got involved in their personal life such as school, medical care etc... and never disciplined them, at least not differently to what I thought totally reasonable. After the initial stage, she actually showed to be extremely flexible and indeed, now that the kids are teenagers, she has no issues with them coming and going as they please which helps a lot as they reached the age when they have things in their lives that means they can't always be there on a regular terms.

I think she thinks they are great kids and that she has respect for the way I brought them up. They certainly have always treated her with respect as I would have expected them to.

We've never met but twice for about 20 seconds!

Cosmo111 Mon 25-Jul-16 22:44:36

I don't mind her, I too don't understand how she can be with someone who walked out on their son for another woman it puzzles me and DH as she's a nice person. I feel sorry for her because I heard from sources he's cheated but I'm thankful she's a good influence for DS the lass he left me for hated kids and was into cocacine. His DW is a primary school teacher and seems to have calmed him down. I do think it helps that I and DH went to school with her so I know her personally.

StepAwayFromTheThesaurus Mon 25-Jul-16 22:48:06

I like both exP and his partner. I think she's the best thing that's ever happened to him. She's lovely and gets on really well with DS1.

Hassled Mon 25-Jul-16 22:50:49

The same as StepWay - she's probably too good for ExH (although he's a nice man) and I wonder why she puts up with him, but she's a genuinely nice woman who has always been good to DS1 and DD. I enjoy her company.

SandyY2K Tue 26-Jul-16 22:11:11

It's really great to hear these positive situations.

From a different angle here my brother has remarried and my new SIL is a great SM.

She treats my niece and nephew very well, is very thoughtful with them (more than DB at times) and I see the great relationship she has with my niece, who was initially in tears when my DB announced he was getting remarried.

Heavens2Betsy Wed 27-Jul-16 11:33:14

Not much.
She was nice at first but just lately has made sly little digs about me to the dc which they tell me about.
They were ttc but without any luck and I think she resents me for having my ex's children when she cant. She also seems to think that I am some sort of threat to them (I'm really not!!). I get on well with him, we've been split for 14 years and there is no animosity any more but we both love our dc and co parent them well together.
Its a shame because her silly behaviour is making the dc dislike her. She waits in the car when he drops them off even though she is welcome to come in, she just sits there chewing wasps.
Silly cow!!

Fishcake72 Wed 27-Jul-16 11:39:39

My son's Step Mum is great. I really like her. I worry the ex will lead her the same merry dance he led me. He is an evil bastard but what can you say?!

cappy123 Tue 02-Aug-16 05:37:04

What an encouraging thread.

freshstart22 Tue 02-Aug-16 06:36:52

Lovely thread. Really refreshing!

VagueButlmportant Tue 02-Aug-16 06:45:46

Yes I'd say she's become a very good friend.

I think the key thing for us was that DD's dad and I were never in a relationship, but were FWB, so there was no split, overlap or bad feeling. I get on very well with him too.

It's taken a bit of effort from all three of us, but it has been by far the best thing for DD. I am very close to DD's half sister and step-sister, and was the first person they let babysit the new baby. I am closer to them than I am to my niece and nephew, and it's really lovely watching the little one grow up (she is freakishly like my DD at the same age. It's like having a time machine!)

LemonSqueezy0 Wed 03-Aug-16 07:59:12

What a lovely thread! Nice to see that people can have these positive relationships and realise that step parents aren't always evil or out to cause mischief!

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