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Adult DSD thrown out by mum-what do we do?

(7 Posts)
chosenone Thu 21-Jul-16 12:37:36

My DSD is 23 and is a lovely, bubby young lady, but, she has made some irresponsible choices that have lead to her losing jobs and rented accomodation. She is very much a 'party girl'; fine is she can afford it and get to work.

She is back living with her mum and things have been tense, she has stayed out late several nights this fortnight and missed work a few times too. Her mum has now fed up of bailing her out and effectively enabling her lifestyle. DH and i feel we should offer her a matress/sofa here (no spare room) as we don't want her homeless, equally we feel like saying if partying with her friends is so important she can stay with them.

My issue with her staying with us are pretty selfish, we don't want her staying up/rolling in at all hours when we're all in bed by 11 ish ( 2 primary DC) here. We are not 100% sure we trust her in the home when we are at work/school. We love and care for her and if she was a teenager we'd feel differently but i feel at her age she needs to realise that nights out, take aways, festivals have to be funded by getting into work and earning. Any experience anyone?

EatsShitAndLeaves Thu 21-Jul-16 15:07:02

Her mum is presumably trying to teach her a life lesson about responsibility and consequences.

Stepping in and bailing her out would undermine this.

Aside from the above, you simply don't have room and any such "mattress" arrangement seems to me to is going to end up with a lot of tension and arguments.

She is an adult and this situation seems very much self inflicted. It is was a result of circumstances beyond her control I would post differently.

I think you could offer some very short term help (ideally in conjunction with her mum) about accommodation e.g a week in a B&B and say it's her responsibility to get her act together from there.

chosenone Thu 21-Jul-16 19:41:01

Thanks. Yes i agree that we don't want to undermine her mum when she is an adult. Yes it is all of her own doing to, unfortunately.

Cosmo111 Fri 22-Jul-16 07:34:23

Her mum is giving her the push needed to get her arse into gear you guys need to support her. It's very well going out and having fun but she should maintain her work ethic in the process. I have a friend almost 30 who seems to jump from job to job been to college numberous times but never completed one course. There's a time when she needs to stand on her own two feet. My young SIL is excately the same but doesn't even attempt to work but will sponge money off everyone and anyone.

MeridianB Fri 22-Jul-16 08:07:55

Agree that it's important to have a chat with her mum and present a united front if that is appropriate (and it sounds like it is, from what you say).

I would expect an 18-year-old to take a little time to get used to managing social life and work but by 23 life does (and should) have more consequences. Everyone turns up hungover now and then but if it's becoming a lifestyle and costing her jobs then she's fast going nowhere.

chosenone Fri 22-Jul-16 21:24:11

Thanks. She is now staying at a friends. Her friend has bills to pay and am sure will expect some contributions soon.

amarmai Sat 23-Jul-16 18:39:18

Stay clear and thank your lucky stars you have not offered to take her out of kindness. Sometimes tough love is better.

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