I'm at the end of my tether. I don't know what to do.
My dsds are 18 and 21. The 21 year old moved out at 18/19. 18 year old dsd still lives with us. They've lived with us since they were 12 and 15. There DM was neglecting them and they are basically NC with her. The last 6 years have been so hard. I love them both and especially get on with the oldest but there have been so many challenges, especially around what their DM put them through and adapting to (very few) rules and boundaries. DH is a bit Disney and every evening he leaves me on my own with them to go teach a sport he loves and turned into a business. He has a day job. I know they were teenagers but it was exhausting!
I won't go on about this as I could write a diary.
Basically we've been struggling with dsd 18 who doesn't want to work and dropped out of college. Dsd 21 lives with her bf and his parents and she doesn't work and is on benefits. It would appear this arrangement is about to breakdown and the assumption by all (except me) is she'll come to live with us till she finds something. I love her, I really do, and I want good things for her but I can NOT live with her again! She goes through my belongings, she uses my toothbrush, she lays about the house doing nothing and eating everything. I can not live with two adults who don't work while DH and I work full time.
DH doesn't want the stress either but she doesn't have any friends to stay with and he completely dismisses my feelings and tells me we'll 'have to suck it up'. We offered her first months rent and deposit a couple of months ago but she hasn't bothered to look. I'm in bits about it. I never want to be someone who tells her DH his children can't come back to get on their feet but it won't be for a few days, housing benefit and job seekers allowance would have to be sorted out. She won't consider working. But I also need to think about what I can cope with and I just can't do it! I told him he'll have to stay home in the evenings and he went mad about having to shut down his business.
It's a no win situation and if it comes to pass I think I'll have to move to a hotel, either in the short term and move back later or look for something more permanent. I would never leave otherwise, I love my dh and he loves me and except for his children our relationship is great.
Do any of you wise step-mums have any advice because I can't see any other way? By the way, we're not wealthy and couldn't afford the hotel for any great length of time unfortunately.
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I can't see any other option, I think I'm going to have to leave
11 replies
Findingpeace · 11/07/2016 19:29
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