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Suggestions needed for enabling contact in changed circumstances

(2 Posts)
Sneeziemcweezie Mon 04-Jul-16 10:57:37

Hello, I’m looking for some advice and suggestions for a change in our situation. DSCs live with DH and me full time, see their Mum overnight once a fortnight and EOW spend the day with her. DH drops them off for their O/N stay as I feed them tea first. She used to pick them up on her day with them but as she was always late and it was causing anxiety for one of the DSCs we recently changed so that DH drops them off to avoid them sitting round waiting, she now returns them that day. She doesn’t have them in the holidays but will occasionally have them for part of a day, but it’s on a very ad-hoc basis. (I will look after them all summer and tbh was hoping she would start to have them a bit this year, that now looks unlikely)

She told DH the other day that she is moving to a new house that is at least an hour away (round trip) by car although knowing the traffic and the main road to there will be up to half an hour longer. She has no transport and will most likely rely on friends and public transport. She had no suggestions for how she will continue to have the DSCs at weekends and I think she really needs to as she is changing the situation yet again

DH has to do quite a lot of driving for his job so is not going to want to do a minimum of 2 hours more driving every weekend. Also, it’s the summer now, lots of daylight, but she has in the past refused to be out in the dark – I can’t see her being willing to travel here on a cold wet dark day in mid-winter to bring them back.

Has anyone got any suggestions as to how we go forward with this so that DH doesn’t spend large amounts of time driving them around which is unfair to him on top of his already long work hours (currently its a 10 min round trip drop off at the moment). The two eldest go on buses to school but can’t really be trusted to look after youngest in that way for an hour so putting them on the bus is not realistic. She pays no child maintenance, but if DH does have to take them to her house every weekend he will be incurring yet more costs – can he ask her to reimburse this as she is choosing to move away?
Please, no flaming, I’m just trying to get some different points of view on a situation as we are stuck on how to work this one out so that DSCs continue to see her regularly without adding to the workload here. Thanks (and sorry for long post)

Lunar1 Mon 04-Jul-16 12:28:21

I think you need to come to the realisation that she is responsible for arranging and facilitating contact. I know it's horrible for the children waiting around, I'd probably offer to take them once a month and she returns them. If she wants to see them more then she can travel but maybe don't tell the children so they are not let down. She sounds a bloody delight!

I'd also go to cms.

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