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social services removing stepchild from mother

(17 Posts)
Abby525 Fri 01-Jul-16 14:19:27

Hi all, hoping for some advice and hoping someone been in same situation so I know what to expect.
Stepdaughter is 5 years old and under social services on her mother's part. Out of the blue today a social worker turns up and informed me and oh that they have applied to court and he is certain child will be removed from her mother. Obviously we have agreed immediately that we are happy to have her fill time. What will happen now? What will social worker look for in our house?
Also scared incase they say our home isn't big enough, (3 bedrooms) I have 10 year old twin boys in their room, 5 year old in his room and our baby in our room. Would stepdaughter be fine to share with 5 yo son? We have bunkbeds so there is enuf room, this is also where she stays on weekends and holidays etc. She has her own toys, clothes and things here anyway and loves being with us the boys and baby
Also feeling a luttle anxious. As I no it's going to be hard but I'm ready and very much willing to do whatever it takes to keep her safe.
Sorry for long post. I'd appreciate any replies ;) thanks in advance

Clippersails Fri 01-Jul-16 14:21:50

Sounds very hard. Why are they removing her? I'm sure it will be fine for her to sleep with 5 year old. It would be fine in a 'nuclear' family.

Abby525 Fri 01-Jul-16 14:26:26

Thanks for reply.
Just not sure on rules/laws with opposite sex children these days.
Basically her mother will put anyone and anything before her, boyfriend's drink drugs.
Often in fights. Police called to home frequently, home a mess, and poor child is never clean when coming from there always hungry and terrified to speak. Last 6 months have been so hard knowing she was better ogf with us but had to keep sending her home.

FarelyKnuts Fri 01-Jul-16 14:31:23

SS may not be greatly happy about opposite sex children sharing bedrooms long term. But I'm not sure what other choice you have. They're hardly going to expect you to move tomorrow to place the child with you full time.
There's no law as such, just recommendations.
Your DP is her dad so it's not a foster placement where they have to be as stringent.

mouldycheesefan Fri 01-Jul-16 14:34:37

Why did she keep being sent back to her mum? Did her dad not apply for full custody given the circumstances?

She will be fine sharing for now, you can't magic an extra bedroom at short notice obviously long term you are a bit overcrowded but I wouldn't worry about that now. 💐

Abby525 Fri 01-Jul-16 21:23:57

Thanks everyone.
He applied for full custody almost 5 months ago when we first found everything out. we didn't know of ss involvement as mother lied saying no contact with father although we have her 3 nights a week. was only wen child moved schools where a family friend works n realised. 1stcourt hearing mother announced he's not her father. Obviously DNA test proved otherwise but took 8 weeks so it's dragged on.
What will they be checking for on home visit?

VimFuego101 Fri 01-Jul-16 21:30:58

I would keep the sleeping arrangements as is for now - hopefully she will feel more comfortable in her own familiar bed anyway. Longer term you could look at partitioning a room into two with stud wall, or you and DH moving into the living room if needed I suppose - but for now hopefully the SW will be fine with things as they are.

Bananasinpyjamas1 Sat 02-Jul-16 00:30:42

Oh the poor child. Tough for you all, I hope that your DP appreciates you OP, and get your own support too. Good luck. flowers

mouldycheesefan Sat 02-Jul-16 07:58:36

Good luck op she will be much better off with you don't worry about the bedrooms, she is safe with you and that's what matters 💐

3rdrockfromthesun Sat 02-Jul-16 08:54:12

My mum's friend had her dsd come and live with them for the same reason but she said that once dsd came and lived with them then it would be permanent. They also had to do a big thing of helping her get over the problems the mother had caused I.e. A fear of black people.

Abby525 Sat 02-Jul-16 13:02:12

Yesterday we were told she wouldn't be staying this weekend as mother suddenly decides she wants to spend time with her...
So last night kids all in bed, oh dropping my mum off home around 10pm social worker arrives with police officer and child! She came bounding in backpack on biggest grin announcing shes back smile
Was yet another incident at home m she was immediately moved! So we have her with us for good well hopefully.
She is over the moon to be here. Keeps telling us shrs not leaving again. Not once has she mentioned her mother.
The difference in her after she was told she would be staying for quite a while is unbelievable!!
SW basically stuck his head in bedroom door Asked if we needed anything for her and that's that until we see him on Tuesday.
Thanks so much for all your replies.
We are over the moon shrs here safe and well.

bibliomania Mon 04-Jul-16 16:57:48

It's really heartening to see what a warm welcome she is getting. I'm glad she has a safe home to come to. Hope it all goes well for all of you.

annielouisa Sat 09-Jul-16 14:10:13

Good luck I gained a big blended family in this way and although all our DC are now adults they brought a lot of joy to our lives. It is amazing how doing things that you see as normal parenting bring such joy to a child that has not experienced it.

NerdyBird Mon 11-Jul-16 13:35:03

It should be fine for your dsd to share in the short term. My dsds came to live with their dad because their mother wouldn't break off her relationship with a convicted child sex abuser. They were sharing a room, SS knew I would be moving in and that we planned a baby and it was fine. We're hoping to move to a bigger house soon, after 4 years. Good luck, sounds like the best thing will be if your dsd gets officially placed with your partner and can have a stable home.

Hawkmoth Mon 11-Jul-16 13:40:07

When this happened to us we had three in a bedroom with one in a mattress and social services were fine with it. We had the loft converted so it's two per room now.

Good luck. Get as much help as you can, perhaps ask for social services to stay involved with a TAC so that any medical, education and possible counselling needs can be accessed more easily.

And apply for a residence order including prohibited steps so that mum can't collect from school etc.

Abby525 Fri 15-Jul-16 23:05:51

Just read all your lovely replies! So good to hear how many people have been through the same.
Can honestly say I can't believe how well her and my children have adjusted! She's so settled, improvements in school already. She was so shy and would play on her own unless pushed and now she's turned into a little bossy boots with a little squad following her around. It's amazing to hear how after a couple of weeks of just the normal to us she is so different.
Her mother isn't allowed to school etc. And has been given the option of supervised contact at local children's centre, 1st time she arrived 10 minutes late, stayed 20 minutes apparently wasn't well and left... was seen at busstop with bf! 2nd time she cancelled! Dsd was overjoyed!
We have arranged with sw help for her to see a counselor.
Were looking into having lift converted but be a while yet, no complaints of room sharing apart from a film choice.. yes you're reading this right.. ds wanted my little pony, dsd wanted Spiderman!
This week dh is working away thought maybe there may be an issue with her but no shes been great, sneaking back down at bedtime for an extra hug. She melts my heart. And my boys are amazing, they really are. Constantly checking up on her. God help teenage years when she wants a boyfriend!

Hawkmoth Tue 19-Jul-16 13:43:12

Thanks for the lovely update.

Both our DSDs are like different children a year on from moving here. It's so pleasing watching them fulfil their potential and really blossom.

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