Another wills one

[AnneLovesGilbert]

DH and I are about to draw up wills and there are things I'm not sure about which I feel like we should discuss before we meet the lawyer.

We're buying a house and that's going to be the only real asset. Small stuff like a family ring will go to my Dsis.

DH has two young DC. If he dies first he wants me to be able to stay in the house as long as I want, for his assets to pass to me, and then when I die, for mine to pass to the DC - his for now and then any we might have. If I die first he gets the house and again, assets will go to all DC when he goes.

He currently pays child support and spousal support, the court order says if he dies that's the end of both. Yes, he won't be here to pay his ex anything, but they won't stop costing her money either. I've heard of people insuring maintenance payments but the order specifically says she gets nothing if he dies.

If we die together while the DC are still young, do we put what we have in trust with someone and our assets go to them when they're old enough? Not their DM but maybe one of the god parents? How many SMs without their own DC are planning to leave everything they have to their DSC? Is it different if you have DSC and DC of your own?

[Lunar1]

He needs an insurance policy for them if he's planning to leave them nothing. He needs to make sure they are supported until they are independent.

[ArmfulOfRoses]

Do you not have anyone you'd like to leave your half of the house to if you don't have any children?

[Primaryteach87]

You can get insurance which gives a monthly sum (we have it for our kids as we don't own a house and want them provided for).

Also, sounds like he will leave the house in trust.... But what happens if you are elderly and need to sell the house for care?

[selfishcrab]

We have a child each, both live with us.
If DH dies first I get it all, if I go he gets it all. What we have had written is that when anything happens after that and the remaining goes our children get 50/50.
We are a family and a partnership.

[AnneLovesGilbert]

An insurance policy that pays out to his XW, for the DC, until they're 18 do you mean Lunar? Would you get it alongside life insurance which pays the mortgage off?

[AnneLovesGilbert]

I have siblings I'm very close to Armful, so yes, I could leave it split between them. Will I feel differently about leaving my assets to the DSC if I also have DC and split it equally between them? I don't know how I feel.

Are my DSC more or less my family than my siblings? (I don't need to think about the deep and meaningful stuff right now but the question occurred to me last night when we discussed it).

Exactly Primary, I don't know what happens in that case. But it would be the same either way wouldn't it, if he ended up in a home after I've died, the DC wouldn't get anything if it all went on care?

[cannotlogin]

what would happen for his children if he dies and you remarry? How are you going to secure his assets for his children under those circumstances.

[ImperialBlether]

If he dies then his payments to the children are taken out of any money he has, as far as I remember. I know my ex told me that's what would happen (but he refused to die. )

[AnneLovesGilbert]

I don't know cannot, we're just starting out working out what to do, which is why I'm asking for advice. What do people do?

Imperial - He reckons the court order only says maintenance and spousal (the latter has an end date on it anyway) end in the event of his death. So with nothing in place to provide for them in there we have to work out what to do.

[lookluv]

not criticisng you OP but your DP is morally worng to think he could leave you his assets and not provide for his children - for example if he dies tomorrow -( god forbid) - you get his monies and his DCs get nothing.
Wrong Wrong Wrong on so many counts and that he should even think this is also wrong.

[Bananasinpyjamas1]

I've heard that you can both have 50/50 shares as 'tenants in common' or something like that, and each leave your share to whoever you wish, but with the proviso that the surviving partner can carry on living in the house and assets put on hold until you die. That way, kids assets are protected and your home is protected. Also, if you remarried, that 50% would still go to his kids. And if you wanted to change your will then, if you have previously had his kids in your 50%, then you could but his kids would always have their fathers share of the assets.

His Ex wife could take out life insurance on him herself, so that if he died she would have a lump sum to help with the loss of maintenance etc.

[HerRoyalNotness]

On the maintenance side a will writer advised me to
Take out an insurance policy to cover it. However I could not bring myself to do this as DH couldn't be bothered to do any planning for the future and I'd sorted everything else!

So I had an amount ring fenced in the will, with a monthly amount paid out as maintenance and the remainder would go to his DC as a lump sum at age 18, I think it is. If he dies and his DC is over 18, DC would get the ringfenced amount. It comes out of his life insurance.

[user1465823522]

I have a civil service pension which will pay out to my kids until they are 18 should i die before then - most pensions allow you to name a recipient like this - check with your pension provider for details. My life insurance likewise goes to the kids with a separate amount to cover funeral expenses.my will dictates the other half gets the house until they die in which case the kids get it equally, and financial assests are split equally between the kids.

[WicketWoo]

I would have thought that to make it equal you should be considering buying your property as tenants in common. You can then leave your share to just your children (when you have them) and possibly your siblings/Dsc prior to that. Your DH could then leave his share split between all of his children. Whilst any shared children will get more of your assets your Dsc will also, presumably, get assets from their mum.

[Shitonyoursofa]

In response to one of your earlier questions Anne, I won't be leaving anything to my DSC. DH doesn't have much in the way of assets and our house is in my name, I also have a decent amount of savings and pensions, all accrued independently by me and most of it long before I met him. My plan (must put this into action!) Is to put everything in trust so he can use what he needs if I die before him, but cannot leave it to the DSC - when he then dies it will all go to my nieces. As things currently stand if he dies before me he has only a small pension pot to leave, which I would be more than happy for it to go to the DSC along with anything else of his. I don't mind if I don't inherit a penny from him, but I am very clear that my DSC will not inherit from me - if I wasn't with their dad there would be little for them to inherit, I don't see why that should change just because I am on the scene.

I have to say though that although we get on fine, I am not close to my DSC, I can imagine that a lot of people would feel differently to me if they were.

[AnneLovesGilbert]

Thanks for all the advice, lots to think about and interesting to hear what others have done.

[WomanActually]

My Dad had insurance policy for db and I when he first split from Mum, he changed the policy after marrying stepmum when I was about 10 years old, his wife and her son were added to the policy and db and I removed. Db and I were living with mum in poverty so it's not like they thought we'd be ok, I genuinely have no idea why Dad did that and didn't even know he ever had any life insurance etc until after he died and stepbrother gloated about it a year later. I'll admit it really hurts to know Dad made provisions for his stepson to benefit while making sure db and I didn't, he'd gone through his paperwork a year before death so I can't even comfort myself with the idea he forgot about it. It's absolutely not about the money, I'm content with my life and would much much rather have the life I have than that of step mum and step brother, they have shown their true colours and lots of dad's family are now NC with them, it's the knowledge that we were seen as less worthy and that we didn't matter to Dad, we weren't his "real" family that hurts, if that makes sense?

It's complicated and totally understand when step parents want their own dc to benefit from their share, especially when some of the money to be left has come from one spouses parents through inheritance themselves. I've seen many people say that their share of assests are left to their own dc, so example, your dps share will be split between his dc and any you have together, wheras your share is split between your own, so if you have one dc together, his share is split three ways and yours one way. Some don't like his at it means the joint dc inherits more, but then some say they are inheriting from their mum and their dad, and step children will also inherit from their mum and dad.

It's a delicate thing and I hope you come up with an arrangement that everybody is comfortable with.

[AnneLovesGilbert]

That is awful Woman, sad, unfair and understandably left you and your db feeling shit. All you can say about your SM and horrible sounding step brother is at least you're not them. It must be miserable being so mean.

The whole thing is a minefield. My DH has no intention of screwing his DC at all, their welfare is always at the front of his mind, and neither of us has had to do anything like this before so coming up with a plan is difficult.

As the court order puts nothing in place in the event of his death before the DC are adults we need to work out a way to protect them, that's what we're trying to do. But we also need to make sure I don't end up homeless. We're both putting money into the deposit and paying the mortgage.

I have a friend who's a SM and even now she has a DC of her own, their set up means she and her baby are basically out on the street if anything happens to her DP. They're not married and his ONLY priority is his existing DC. Yes, the DC came first, but my friend and her DP both decided to have this child and her situation is perilous if anything happens to him.

It's a balancing act. There are so many possible scenarios to consider and people have so many different ways of doing it but there's also no rule book.

I've never made a will before and it all feels horribly grown up!

[ExConstance]

Why not take out life assurance to pay children a lump sum in the event of his death - quite inexpensive these days if you are still relatively young- and then each leave your half of the house to each other?

Child and spousal maintenance has to end on death I think, as a matter of law - you can't order that a dead person makes payments and there is no way of knowing what capital amounts someone will leave on death some years hence.

[MyKingdomForBrie]

He can leave it all to you in trust for your life time and then to revert to the DC. Maintenance wise if he wants to cover that then I would buy a life insurance policy.

No way should you be made homeless when he dies so that the DC can have the money straight away, they wouldn't have done so had he died still married to their mum, as she would have it. Life insurance will ensure their maintenance carries on.

[AnneLovesGilbert]

Would we get one life insurance policy that can pay off the mortgage if I die first, and pays the mortgage off if he dies AND pays monthly or a lump sum for the DC? Or separate policies?

Sorry if some of this is obvious. We can ask the lawyer but I feel like there's a lot we should have considered before we sit down with someone.

[AnneLovesGilbert]

I know what you mean MyKingdom, and that does make sense. But if they were still married XW would get anything my DH left, and now if he dies I benefit and she doesn't - why would she for her now they're divorced, fair enough - but she's left with the full cost of the DC until they're adults and benefit.

[MilkTwoSugarsThanks]

You need MNer Mumblechum - she's a proper Will Writer!

[MyKingdomForBrie]

That's what the insurance is for

[HormonalHeap]

We have 5 children between us and none together. We want all 5 to benefit equally, we have property and assets.

THe problem seems to be that other than having policies for the kids, it's impossible to protect assets properly if you have mirror wills, ie everything goes to eachother, then when both gone split between the children. This is because you simply don't know what your care needs will be one day. Whatever you put into trust you can't touch. How do people do it?