anyone else love being a step parent?(10 Posts)
I've been a SM for over 2 years now (1 yr just weekends and 1.5 years full time) and I cannot imagine life without my DSS. He's my life and often my reason for doing things that I know that are good for me that I don't want to do. He's starting school in September and I'm going to miss him so much. I view him as my DS, and although he'll probably never call me mum (his DM is vaguely in the picture, very occasional contact though) I know he treats me as such. It seems so many SP have a very hard time and decide to walk away for many different reasons, and I have also been told (in the early days) that I was too emotionally attached - but if kids need love you give it too them right? Are there any other happy SP?
I'm generally happy! My situation is quite different to yours though; I have been step mum for over 8 years (nearly 5 years married so 4 years unofficial), and they are now teens, and I don't see them as much as I used to. But I've always had a good relationship with them. I put it down to DH always being a 'proper' parent and the children themselves having the strength of mind to make their own decision about me, not listen to the bile they heard about me from their mum initially.
Since we had DS 16 months ago our relationship has got even better as they dote on their brother and he adores them. They help out with childcare and generally spoil him rotten with attention.
It's not always doom and gloom! Though some situations are hard to deal with and some people aren't as lucky.
I've never loved it, but I don't hate it either! All our DC were grown before we met so, different scenario. I'm happy for you that you feel so much love for your DSS, and I'm assuming that you have no DC of your own! If you do plan for your own DC in the future, be prepared for a different kind of love, it won't be the same as your love for DSS!
So in effect, you are his mum, that's why you love your role. This cannot be compared with being a step-mum of a child who has a very loving relationship with his mother and doesn't 'need' another mum.
Not saying that it's not possible to be a happy SM, I am pretty certain my children's SM would say that she loves being their SM, but you can't compare your situation with the majority of SM.
I love being a step mum. My step kids were 13 and 15 when I got together with DH, DSD lived with us after a year as mum kicked her out of home but DSS stayed with mum and step dad.
As far as I'm concerned they are my kids, but I understand that I am not DSS mum and would only call myself DSD mum because she needs someone in that role and birth mum let her down quite badly.
The kids are now 30 and 32 and I have a DSGD too - Love them all
I love it too My dsd is 11 and she is fab. She lives with us and I love her like my own.
The user upthread interested me... Wdigin2this can I ask what you think about people who adopt children? Do you think it can ever be the same?
OP I am genuinely very pleased for you. And if the DSS does not have a 'regular' mum in his life, then what a difference you will be making to him.
I sorted through some boxes today and found a few cards I'd sent to my DSCs - I was a bit taken aback by how warm and giving I worded them all. I certainly would not do that now. It doesn't always work. My DSCs were just not really up for it, and their own mother influenced them quite a bit negatively towards me in the end.
But I'm an eternal optimist, and if an SM is not undermined by the parents, if you are fair, sensitive and gentle, I think that there is a strong chance that there will be a lovely relationship there. Good for you.
I personally really enjoy being a step mum mostly! Dsd is never a trouble really (just the usual kid stuff). I only ever struggle with the ex and sometimes the in laws making it difficult. Can't imagine my life without dsd and her dad!
My DSS is my favourite person in the world. He is 6, and is the kindest and most loving child I've ever known. He met me as "daddy's friend" when he was 18 months old, and by the time he was 2 and a half he knew we were in a relationship. He doesn't remember life without me! We have a great relationship (he's with us 7 nights a fortnight and also has a very loving relationship with his DM's husband). He loves having four parents and all the extra family that comes with it!
Our relationship with his DM is minimal but respectful....we tend to let the little annoyances go over our head. And I get on well enough with his stepdad who often does pickups. Life is pretty straightforward to be honest! Not a stealth boast I promise, his DM can be a nightmare, but since we started ignoring it it doesn't affect us.
I'm still trying to master the "ignoring it" trick as it mostly is stuff that's not that important and I shouldn't let bother me
Join the discussion
Please login first.