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A new low

(8 Posts)
teaandcake789 Mon 20-Jun-16 18:54:16

According to dh's ew:
"Sdd(7) doesn't like sharing a bedroom with the boys (her step-brother my ds1(7) and half brother my ds2(4)) because ds1 is black and she doesn't like black people"

I am fuming ( massive understatement) dh is in utter disbelief. Sdd has never ever shown any dislike against ds1. Only yesterday they spent hours playing mums and dads together in the garden. This has come completely from her mother who apparently can't understand why I don't like her. She's poison. Absolute fucking poison! angry

p33kab00 Mon 20-Jun-16 20:29:51

I feel for you: I had something similar although fortunately my dsd is NC with my dh's exw and all of her family.

They cut her off when she started to question their views, which included that "all brown people are bad". She happily lives in our melting pot household now.

Sorry I can't offer any practical advice sad

teaandcake789 Mon 20-Jun-16 21:18:48

Thank you it is good to know I'm not alone and it may get better. Ew isn't rasist though. She has nothing against black/brown/purple/green people. Sdd has just become really extremely rasist and it must've come from our side as it definitely can't be hers apparently. I'm just so fed up of me and my son being the target of her .... I dunno, jealousy? Spitefullness? It used to be complaining that whenever sdd went back she could never understand what she was saying as she was talking like ds1 who had moderate speech delay and speech-sound difficulties. Although she probably couldn't understand her as we would spend the whole weekend re-teaching her to say butter and water instead of bu'er and wa'er. Then is was ds1 bullies her even though sdd is the bosiest child we know and ds1 is completely under her thumb when they play together. But picking on the colour of his skin?? Wow that's low. Apparently she can just cope sharing a room as he has top bunk so she doesn't have to look at him. I know it's rubbish but so worried her mum will poison her mind and she'll come over and say something to ds1 and I just won't tolerate that. My son is my priority. I'm just so tired of it. we dream of the day sdd chooses to live with us, there is that hope

p33kab00 Mon 20-Jun-16 21:31:48

Aaaaah I misunderstood the "according to dh's exw" bit- I thought the ex was the one saying it herself. But anyway, wherever it's coming from, it's vile.

Yes, there is that hope... my husband's daughter came to live with us when she was 7 and she's 11 now. She's great... a good head on her shoulders and she knows her own mind... it's as if she could be mine ha ha!

What's your/dh's relationship like with the ex in general? Can you just talk it through??

teaandcake789 Mon 20-Jun-16 21:56:40

their relationship is great as long as she is getting her own way and dh acts like a nodding dog. The minute he starts saying no she threatens to stop all contact. I cannot abide the woman. She likes me then she doesn't like me (yes I can pick her up from school then 2 months later I've been banned from the school grounds) then she likes me then she doesn't like me (I can have sdd on my own every Saturday when dh and ex both work but god forbid I had sdd for 2 hours when dh went to work during the school holidays! We didn't see sdd for over a month after that) then she likes me then she doesn't like me. Last Easter she screamed down the phone at dh that I am nothing to sdd, I am not family, my children are not family, we are nothing, then 2 months later can I have her an hour early so she can go shopping to tesco child free? I won't have anything to do with her now which has dh's full support.

swingofthings Tue 21-Jun-16 08:03:24

Why are you letting this bother you? It is so pathetic that surely you should just let it fly over your head. Just ignore it. She clearly does it for a reaction and you are feeding right into her hands.

Just let her dad deal with any situation if they arise in your home. You say that so far, dsd is fine and plays with your son, so there is nothing to worry about. If she starts saying the things that her mother claims, that her dad can talk to her about it and explain why it is wrong.

Who cares if she is jealous/bitter, just enjoy your life and don't let her interfere in it. If she contacted you directly, remove her number and tell your OH that you don't want to know what she tells him. He can deal with it, she's his ex, not yours.

OutToGetYou Tue 21-Jun-16 22:06:00

You seem to be laying a lot of blame on a seven year old? You do know she's just a child?

Also, I really wouldn't bother correcting her accent/dialect, it's quite rude really to do that.

Just5minswithDacre Tue 21-Jun-16 22:31:26

She said that OUT LOUD?

Doesn't she care what she sounds like? shock

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