Hi there. Grateful for any advice on the following, or even a firm talking to / reality check..!
My SS – 19 next month – is a Nice Boy; an only child, introverted (which is fine) and has never displayed any energy, motivation or enthusiasm about anything and has never been ‘a talker’. Has had many opportunities to take up activities or travel – hasn’t taken any up. Has few friends, but appears to be content in his own company (which is good). Flunked exams at 17, which he’s now re-sat. Then announced doesn’t want to go to uni and has deferred place.
I really want SS to leave home now – so he can develop as a person and yes! for my own selfish reasons. His father also wants him to come out from his bedroom and engage in the world but facilitates him to do nothing – by giving him money, generally making his life too comfortable.
SS looking for jobs now (though still in bed as I write!). I get very stressed out finding opportunities / advice for him, which he doesn’t follow up. And I get very stressed out when I leave it to my partner and SS’s mother. They appear to leave it all to SS who, based on past evidence, isn’t capable of finding opportunities for himself.
This morning I’m resolved to back out and leave it to my partner and SS’s mother. Either way I feel I ‘lose’, but this way, I avoid any more conflict with SS. But I’m anxious that SS will still be in his bedroom doing nothing this time next year. Partner keen that I stay involved but I think that’s so that he doesn’t end up stressed out like I am.
I’ve lived with his father since SS’s birth and we've always shared him 50/50 with this mother. But I don’t at this moment feel close to him and am starting to actively resent him. Generally feel like a proper WSM these days.
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Step-parenting
Lose/lose situation with 19yr old
3 replies
Troublelovesme5 · 20/06/2016 10:48
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