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A mare of a night!

(11 Posts)
Jalapenos4me Mon 13-Jun-16 06:09:24

Sorry if I don't use abbreviations but I prefer to type in full.
Husband's son who is 18.5 lives with us FT as he is currently doing A levels just down the road. His 20.5.yr old has just finished her 2 at Uni, and she only comes back in holidays, although she also lived with us FT, they both have for 3.5 years as their mother didn't want them.

The whole scenario is causing us to get divorced and sell the house as husband panders to their needs and I am second best in his eyes, although I supported him moving them in.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, I have been suffering from extreme fatigue due to depression caused by the divorce. I have taken a lot of time of work. Started to feel better yesterday but still went to bed early. Husband and kids roll up 2 hours 11pm, then after that make a load of noise getting for bed Until midnight. Then his kids proceed to play music and talk in son's room until 2am, which is just under my room, despite my requests for them. I decided to watch a programme on iplayer until 3am. The music then starts up again at 4am, not loud but I can hear everything. He can hear me when I ask him to stop it but continues. I decided then to get out at 4.45 for a drive, and now daughter is crying as I told them to be quiet and he didn't! Good parenting eh?? Now he' playing music again. Obviously not doing exams today! Haven't slept a wink!

Sorry this is long, need to vent x

Jalapenos4me Mon 13-Jun-16 06:12:20

Sorry some missed out words here, no sleep!!!

Fragglewump Mon 13-Jun-16 06:41:49

The whole situation sounds awful! I think I would just accept defeat and go and rent a small place myself. If he was crap at backing you up and 'parenting' his grown up children when you were together it is unlikely he will do it now you are separated. Cut your losses and regain some sanity!

Wdigin2this Mon 13-Jun-16 12:33:45

You have no other choice really....he's not going to change!

Jalapenos4me Mon 13-Jun-16 16:49:15

The decree nisi is already through.. Don't know if a small flat would do it, You should see all my stuff! I am grieving though as used to have a lovely relationship.

Wdigin2this Mon 13-Jun-16 17:09:31

Sad for you, but you will get through it eventually!

Findingpeace Mon 13-Jun-16 18:54:11

I do feel bad for you. My DSDs are 18 and 21 and lived with us full time since they were 12 and 15. 21 year old dsd lives with her boyfriend now, thank god, although I love her I could never live with her again! 18 year old is still us and being very difficult. The first few years they lived with us DH would let them do pretty much anything they wanted, including playing their music loudly and also at night which I could hear across the hall. It drove me mad! That's what guilt does to these dad's I'm afraid. Which also creates inconsiderate young adults. My DH only put his foot down about it because of me. Since you're in the process of divorce it's unlikely your DH is going to make any changes to please you I'm afraid. Moving out is likely the only option.

Wdigin2this Mon 13-Jun-16 19:18:35

Finding you are soooo right about DF's ^ Disneying^ their DC as a result of guilt!

Jalapenos4me Tue 14-Jun-16 07:54:30

Thanks to all who replied, not very good at this stuff, so sorry not to have mentioned specific names. I agree with what you are all saying,. He says it that's not he loves his kids more than me, but he wants their relationship whatever the weather. Excuse me, but they will desert his constant attention soon. It is a guilt issue because their mother didn't want them and hardly ever sees them, cos they don't to. Selfishly I see it as a great loss to me as I thought he was my soul mate, but he has shown his true colours now, and I have to keep telling myself that. My health has suffered due to this situation. He is only interested in himself, I've just realised this after 6 months of fighting. I'm more concerned about the finances now than him. Also started nicking all my friends on Facebook which hurts me more than leaving him!

newname99 Wed 15-Jun-16 22:38:13

I'm sorry you are going through this.How long were you together?

My dh is similar (may not be as bad...yet) but also says when I am critical of dc's (for poor behaviour) it makes him go into Disney overdrive.So I can understand why it quickly become a negative cycle.

I wish you luck for the future.

Bringing up adults not to consider others will just land them in trouble later in life.Its madness

Jalapenos4me Thu 16-Jun-16 05:02:12

Hi newname99. Been together 12 years, married for 7.5 years.

He is a Disney Dad who panders to their every needs. I used to do all the shopping and cooking but refused to do anything when he said he wanted a divorce. He had a major strop!

Now he does it all, and cooks, using all the recipes I showed him over the years. I can see he is worn out but do I care? NO!

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