Father's Day

[FaithLoveandHope]

Hi All,

I was just wondering what you do for father's day, particularly if you don't have DC together? I was thinking of getting DP a card from DSD and getting her to sign it when he's upstairs or something. I know if we had DC together I'd want them to get him a card and a present but I don't really know what to do this year, it's our first Father's Day of us living together so I feel like I'm now more involved with his DD and involved enough to take her shopping / get her to sign a card but I just wondered what others do.

[Purplerain067]

I buy a card and present and get DSC and the other children to sign the card, I normally split the card into 4 sections so they can write seperate messages. Most of the time we make cards together for him too. He does the same for me on Mother's Day from all of our children.

[SerafinaScoresby]

I've bought presents for DP from DSD and got her to sign cards etc for years, including Father's Day. Now that we have DS, DSD has been adding his name to her cards for each occasion.

Think it's pretty standard if you're living together and behaving like a family. Also working together to buy/think of/make presents helps promote your own relationship with the DSC as part of the family unit.

[SerafinaScoresby]

When I say I've bought the gifts and got her to sign the cards, I mean we usually think of the presents together and decide which to get him then I will go out and get it if there isn't the opportunity to take her with me.

[1ofthosedays]

I get a card and get DSD to sign it. Her DM won't get him one as they don't get on and DSD gets upset if she doesn't do something

[HeddaGarbled]

You need to check whether anyone else in her family has already organised something first. Her mum or grandparent may already have thought about this. Or she may have made a card/present at school/nursery. If not, then yes, it would be lovely to help her with a card and present.

[JoyOdell]

My DS's step mum gets ex a card & present. I send DS with a card too, because he likes it and it's polite. Will your DHs ex do the same?

[FaithLoveandHope]

Thanks all. DP's ex won't do it. She used to but then DP forgot her birthday, she didn't remind him until he dropped DSD off the night before by which point it was too late. He's useless with dates and needs reminding a lot, which being married to him for 2 years you'd think she'd know. He was mortified he'd forgotten and was really apologetic but she took it personally and now won't do anything. We did check as I didn't want to step on her toes but she seems absolutely fine me doing it.

[crusoe16]

My DSD's DM usually helps DSD get something so I don't really bother anymore. I used to do it as for a long time DSD's DM didn't but now she does, I'd feel a bit like I was stepping on her toes / saying the present DSD got with DM wasn't good enough if I did it as well.

[Lelloteddy]

at it being the Exs fault that HE forgot HER birthday. Only on MN

I would double check with his parents in case they're already organised something but if not it would be lovely for you to help pick a card etc.

[Emochild]

Depends on how old the child is

I used to take dd's to get something for their dad even though he didn't do the same for Mother's Day even when he was living with his new partner

From the age of 10 I've left it up to them if they want to or not

[FaithLoveandHope]

Lello given his track record with dates she should have reminded him. She can hardly be pissed when she knows exactly what he's like. Re his parents they live absolutely miles away and so we rarely see them. They're fantastic at sending cards for birthdays, Christmas etc but wouldn't have the opportunity to take DSD.

Emo DSD is 4. If she was old enough I'd definitely leave it up to her

[Everytimeref]

The Sdc dm helps them by something. I wish she would leave it to me because the presents are never appropriate. Last 4 years have been a bottle of port. Dh doesn't drink port never has!

[Everytimeref]

• buy not by

[Emochild]

His ex absolutely had the right to be pissed off with him

She his neither his mother nor his personal assistant

He is an adult right?

As a father it's up to him to remember the birthday of the mother of his child if a) he is a decent father and b) wants to maintain a co-parenting relationship that has a level of goodwill

[Lelloteddy]

Her birthday presumably falls on the same day every year? There's a great modern invention known as a calendar. You can even get one that you can write things on. Or have on your phone. You can even set the calendar to remind you of an upcoming event.

Honestly this is the funniest useless Ex/blame the Ex wife anecdote I've yet to read on MN Classic

[lookluv]

Twunt has forgotten Mother's Day 3 yrs in a row - little bit difficult when he has a DC with his DP and he sure as hell does not forget her!

He has also forgotten my b day twice.

Arrives day after each event and takes DCS out to go and get something as if it does not matter. He is not the one who sees DC face on said forgotten day, it is pathetic that this year my eldest took £10 out of my purse and then made a big thing about just buying something he wantedwhilst we did the weekly shop. Lovely that he did it, but he is 7yrs old, he should not be made to feel guilty by a selfish twunt.

My brother after the second year, when I tld a few people now makes sure they have something to give me.

Sorry no excuse ever, ever, ever - he is teaching his DCs about giving and special days - piss poor example by OPs DP and my twunt.

[OutToGetYou]

Hmm.....I seem to have all sides actually. Until recently I made sure dss had something for dp, something for his dm, something for his step-dad - birthdays, Christmas mother's day etc..

dp got something for me.

Now he's 15 I expect him to do it himself. So dp won't get a FD card, like he didn't get a birthday card. (obviously I remind dss but he's too lazy and doesn't care/spoilt).

[SmellTheGlove]

Once they get past a certain age it's much harder. My DSS and DSD both forgot DH' s birthday recently, and I doubt they will do anything for Father's Day. In fact just discovered that although it is DSS's weekend with us this weekend he now isn't coming at all as he is 'too tired' . Luckily we have DS here who will make a fuss of DH but he's a bit hurt. It's tricky for me as I don't feel that I can nag a 16 year old about such things. DH 's ex being great actually and going to force DSS to at least meet his dad for lunch tomorrow even if he can't make it over here for the weekend!

[Biglettuce]

My Ex didn't bother getting young DS to remember my birthday or Mother's Day, and to be honest once you get out of the habit of thinking it is the 'other parents' job, then it is easier and cleaner.

So now I have got 'a present' for DHs Father's Day and Birthday from 'all of the children' and a card from 'all of the children'. If they had anything else organized, via their DM or anyone else, then in that way it wouldn't have interfered, the more the merrier! And DM never did, and they never did, so lucky I did do something otherwise DH wouldn't have got anything!

As they've got older, I've tried to encourage them to do it themselves. They don't often, but that is their call now.