Step Sibling Rivalry?!

[LONC2012]

Hi all,
I'm literally at the end of my tether with my DS and DSD!
They are both 4 so very similar in age. 30% of the time they get on and the rest of the time someone is in tears!
My DS starts off okay but they starts hitting, pushing, not sharing and generally goes out his way to annoy her. I don't know where this behaviour comes from because he is not like this when she isn't here and he is not like it at nursery either.
Whenever he does something to her she instantly cries which obviously gives him the reaction he is wanting. She also comes to tell us straight away if he does anything wrong.
I am constantly putting him in time out, which doesn't work as he just starts trashing wherever I put him. I have also tried removing whatever he is playing with and saying it's not coming out for X amount of days.
I'm just loosing the will to live! I just don't know how to approach it anymore and any advice would be great, and like I say this behaviour only happens when she comes to stay which is heartbreaking because I just want them to get on and for her to have a happy time when she is here.

[Wdigin2this]

If the bad behaviour is reserved for your DSD, then I would suggest he's not happy sharing you, his home and his things, with another 4 year old! He's obviously too young to express his unhappiness in any other way, so it's up to you to ensure he understands there is no threat from his DSSister.
I really don't know how that could be achieved, because it's very difficult to reason with small children, but there are probably self help books or councillors out there, who can help you give your little one the reassurance he needs.

[LONC2012]

Thank you, I'm gonna try to speak to
My HV about it and see if they can give me any advice!

[rodneydel]

Are you me? I'm having the same issue so I know what it feels like. Although I have a dd and its oh who has the ds. My dd is lovely with other children and at nursery, but with oh's eldest just plays up - not physically, just normal kid run ins. She doesn't want to share her things with him. Most of the time it's hit and miss, sometimes she'll be fine, sometimes she's not. I think she feels threatened by the fact he always comes on her patch?

She's told me that she doesn't like him and shouldn't have to be friends with someone she doesn't like.

I'm at my wits end. My dd is extremely confident, is your ds? My oh's ds is not that confident and extremely sensitive, which makes the 'unbalance' even more challenging. He also is a bit of a tittle tattle and will go and tell his dad or his mum things my dd did, which sometimes aren't true as I've been there the whole time. This then ends in my oh's ex saying my dd is unruly!

[rodneydel]

Have you tried doing activities like arts and crafts? Where they don't really need to share? That usually works, although some times my dd will start getting mean saying her pic is better than his.

If he's coming round she will sometimes get excited to play, but it doesn't last long. Oddly when we have sleep overs, they all go to bed (in the same room) fine.

[LONC2012]

He isn't overly confident but he is at home.
I ask him why he does it and he just says he doesn't know. DSD says she likes me, DP and my other DS (9months) but not DS as he is naughty.
She does tittle tattle a lot, in fact every given opportunity.
If they do colouring or something like that then DS usually draws or rips or something like that DSD picture ending in world war 100!
We also have the issue that she tells her mum everything and then DP has conflict to deal with.

It's the hardest situation ever, I feel like curling up and crying with the stress of it all, it's constant when she is here.
Here's me thinking no one else would be in this situation it's nice to hear we aren't the only ones! X

[Wdigin2this]

There aren't many situations in blended families that haven't happened to other posters on MN.