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I think this is normal but I'm not sure what to do

(8 Posts)
rodneydel Mon 06-Jun-16 17:05:59

My boyf and i try to spend as much time all together (with my dd and his 2xds) as we can but this probably equates to a handful of times a month that we are all together due to different contact schedules.

My dd is an only (if that's relevant) and has said to me she doesn't one of my boyf's ds. They are both 4. I've said that it's not nice, and she said "mummy we don't have to like everyone, even at preschool I'm not friends with everyone". I was stumped at what to say, as a part of me actually understood what she meant. However she is only 4 and about half the time she's with him - and even more depending on activity they are doing - actually get on fine.

My boyf is obviously very hurt by this, but I'm just not sure what to do?

rodneydel Mon 06-Jun-16 17:06:42

I missed some words, she said she doesn't like him and he's not her best friend

rodneydel Mon 06-Jun-16 17:07:39

Sorry not unsure about whether to be together but ways to deal with how she is feeling? My boyf has suggested taking just the two of them out for one on one bonding?

swingofthings Mon 06-Jun-16 18:05:12

At that age, they don't like each other one minute and are best friends the next. I would tell her that she is right that she doesn't have to like him, however, he is now family, so she has to be make efforts to be kind to him. I would try to think of an example to give about friends who didn't use to like each other but then became close (family, school friends, cartoons...). As they get to spend more time together, they will be more likely to share things in common that will bring them together, but ultimately, just like blood siblings don't always get along, they don't have too either.

rodneydel Mon 06-Jun-16 21:03:46

Thanks swing. I think I just find it hard as when dd says it, my boyf gets upset and says that if she says that about his ds then she won't be able to see him again. She then gets upset. To be honest I think it's down to ages, if I meet with friends who have boys along with friends who have girls, she will play with the girls as boys are smelly (apparently). I just feel that boyf thinks I'm being soft

Bananasinpyjamas1 Mon 06-Jun-16 21:12:53

It should be totally OK for your daughter not to like any other kid, including a step sibling. Especially when she is younger. Don't make a big deal out of it, and get your BF not to either.

However, even at 4 she should never be nasty, unkind, impolite or disrespectful to the other kids. Sharing toys and other things should be nice and she shouldn't be making a bad atmosphere. But that doesn't mean she has to play with him even she doesn't want to.

In a few months, they could well be best friends! Early days.

AppleMagic Mon 06-Jun-16 21:16:56

I have a four year old and she's very black and white about friends so I wouldn't take it too seriously. I think they are still learning the social rules so as long as she doesn't say it too his face and is nice to him I wouldn't worry.

AppleMagic Mon 06-Jun-16 21:21:41

I think you should explain to her why it upsets your bf too, because he's his son and he wants everyone in your family to get along.

But try not to make too big a deal out of it because that will only entrench her position.

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