Talk

Flip

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

Step-parenting

birth mother issues!

9 replies

GreenGoth89 · 11/05/2016 23:31

General rant here - DSS's birth mum is pregnant again and gave us full custody (informally - not court papers have been signed) over a year ago. She has seen DSS only a few hours since Xmas. When she does see him she pays him little attention (all visits are supervised) and she rarely calls. DSS really couldn't be interested in her and frequently doesn't want to talk to her. I feel that we should be setting up something more formal so that we don't get done over by her, but I'm also concerned about what we do about her either seeing even less of him as the pregnancy develops, or what happens if she gives the baby up for adoption (highly likely) - can we ask that DSS is allowed contact? I'd just like DSS to not find out when he's older and feel like we did nothing.

OP posts:

Report

Bananasinpyjamas1 · 12/05/2016 00:04

It sounds as if there is no going back, DSS is with you, so getting the ball rolling formally would good? Then you can include query over him seeing his sibling legally?

Report

tldr · 12/05/2016 00:22

I don't know about the rest, but you could certainly ask social services about contact for baby with DSS in the event the baby is adopted.

It may not be possible to do face to face if DSS is still in touch with his mum (for baby's security/confidentiality) but a letterbox arrangement would be normal. In any case, SS would take the request seriously.

Report

Wdigin2this · 12/05/2016 09:21

In your circumstances, I'd get that paper work sorted right now, don't wait till she has her baby, because her emotions will be all over the place! Your DSS belongs with you and his dad, take the necessary legal steps to ensure it stays that way...ASAP!
Not sure about the new baby, but I understand you want to make sure of DSS's rights, I would too. Best thing would be to take legal advice now, and keep all paper work for some day in the future, when you may be explaining the situation to DSS.
Good luck!

Report

GreenGoth89 · 12/05/2016 11:38

We've done research and it seems that if a child arrangements order is broken there's no legal recourse, so is there any point?

OP posts:

Report

Bananasinpyjamas1 · 12/05/2016 12:12

There has to be a point to sorting this out as formally as possible, even from a social services and psychological point of view.

Report

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 12/05/2016 14:44

Just a vague thought but it is not impossible that if you talk to social services about contact for your ds's with the baby they may ask if you want to think about adopting the baby.

I may be wrong but probably worth a quick conversation with your Dh so that you are not both caught "on the hop" with it.

Report

GreenGoth89 · 12/05/2016 19:58

There is no way we are adopting her baby! Not in a million years!

We've spoken to a couple of people and they have said that if theres nothing in dispute we can't even get a child arrangements order...I'm not sure if thats the case or not.

OP posts:

Report

BlueberrySky · 12/05/2016 20:03

My DSS is adopted and when he was, the father of his older half sibling asked if he could keep in touch. SS were adamant no, as older sibling was in touch with the BM still.

Report

GreenGoth89 · 12/05/2016 20:46

Might be a different situation if she puts it up for adoption rather than has it taken away. But we'll have to wait and see guess