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Bickering between our kids

(8 Posts)
PearlsOwls Thu 05-May-16 09:44:57

Hi, have been with my BF for about 7 months, but we have know each other for a long time. We both have 2 kids each.
My youngest DD is 5 and his youngest DD is 8. they love playing together but just recently they do seem to bicker more, especially when playing at his house. Apparently he and his DD feel that the play dates are stressful (he does get stressed easily) as 5 year old wants to play with babies etc and 8 year old is fed up with this and finds her annoying. Rather than finding a solution that suits both of them, His idea is that we don't spend time together when we have our kids!! A joint holiday was also planned which he would prefer me and my kids to not come on, as it may be the only whole week away with his kids and doesn't want it to be stressful. Am completely gutted and looking for reassurance or advice on how to blend our families without the bickering. Feel confused :-(

Lunar1 Thu 05-May-16 09:53:55

It's early days, him and his dd are finding it stressful so are taking a step back for now.

This is a good man, he is making a sensible decision by responding to the situation he is in rather than ploughing on regardless towards and end goal.

You have a far higher chance of successfully becoming a blended family by following his lead and taking some time.

Janefromdowntheroad Thu 05-May-16 09:55:23

Sounds like normal bickering between kids. You'd get the same in any family I think?

PearlsOwls Thu 05-May-16 10:54:20

Thank you - yes he is a good man.
I do think the bickering is normal - just feel for my kids as they won't understand why they can't see them or play together all of a sudden.

Fourormore Thu 05-May-16 11:04:49

Is he perhaps starting to let you down gently?

We have a fairly wide range of ages between us and it is a tricky balance. We encourage them to play nicely but also respect their need to do what they enjoy. I wouldn't force my biological children to play together, so I wouldn't force them to play with their step siblings (or vice versa) either.

I wouldn't be happy about being uninvited from a holiday though.

PearlsOwls Thu 05-May-16 11:32:40

Very confused about the holiday bit.....
We get on brilliantly - also get on really well when we have just my kids or his kids ... it's the blending bit that causes stress.
They bicker and then when they haven't seen each other for a while pester us to for a play date/sleep over etc. I think it's natural that my 5 year old will annoy an 8 year old sometimes (she annoys her older brother too!) think I may be a bit protective and sensitive about it as she is the youngest and a really lovely little girl... although very strong willed at the moment!

Wdigin2this Fri 06-May-16 10:15:41

Yes all kids bicker, but when you're in a my kids, your kids situation, it's far more difficult to deal with. He may be just thinking, as its early in the relationship, he needs more time with you on your own.....OR, he might just be thinking, this isn't for him and he's letting you down gently!

dolkapots Mon 09-May-16 09:09:56

Wow OP, seven months in is very early to be wanting to be a blended family. It seems that you are much more eager for this to happen than him? I totally agree with a PP that he is sensible in recognizing that things are moving too fast for the children and wanting a solution.

I get that it may be upsetting for you and your children, so I would suggest that you back way off and not invest as much energy into the "family" idea, but instead concentrate on your own little family's happiness (like he wants to do).

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