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How do I/ Should I tell my parnter that his daughter is obease?

(36 Posts)
BeccaAnn Tue 03-May-16 18:54:44

so, its an odd one, I've been with my partner for a few months and just met each others children.
We are taking them to an event at the end of the month where there is no tech/ mobile signal/ electricity and I'm making costume for the children. however when measuring his daughter for a dress she has the same measurements as me (28 yo & size 16) and she is 12. She lives with her mum and did nothing but play on computer games and eats huge portions (at least did for every meal we prepared but left all veg).

Is it my place to say to him that is something that him and his ex should talk about or just keep schtum? I know its easier to do something about food/ exercise balance now than in later life.

Views/ opinions welcome smile

dementedpixie Tue 03-May-16 18:56:01

I dint think I would say anything tbh

Fourormore Tue 03-May-16 18:56:24

Definitely not your place. Not sure what her measurements have to do with anything - he can see what she looks like already.

BennyTheBall Tue 03-May-16 18:57:14

I would only discuss it if he broached the subject.

ChicRock Tue 03-May-16 18:58:46

You've only been seeing each other a few months and have just met his children - and you want to tell him his daughter is fat?

I don't think that'll go down well really, do you?

SoupDragon Tue 03-May-16 19:00:08

How would you feel if someone told you you were fat?

Bambooshoots14 Tue 03-May-16 19:03:56

Keep out

missybct Tue 03-May-16 19:06:28

Yeah, I'd suggest not saying anything at the moment. You've only just met his daughter - so she will be adjusting - last thing she needs is some overhaul of her diet during this adjustment.

However, if you and partner are long term, and you can see a future, I'd say it is perfectly acceptable to bring up any concern with your partner. She is at an age where she'll unfortunately be susceptible to comments and perhaps bullying.

I'm not sure how you are aware she does nothing when living at her Mother's though - how do you know this? It does sound as if she needs some educating on portion size/activity, but has your partner done anything to address it?

I've been a part of my DSS life for nearly 2 years, and he's coming up to an age where he is putting on more weight because his lifestyle at home is very sedentary - combined with a high sugar, low protein/veg diet, it's something we're having to keep an eye out on. We make sure he is active at the weekend and avoid spending long spells on the computer, which he isn't always happy about. But by his mother's own admission, she isn't an active person or healthy eater and she doesn't consider DSS diet to be unhealthy. So just be aware that even though you (and possibly your DP) may think his daughter has an unhealthy lifestyle, you may not get compliance or agreement from his ex/daughter's mother to change or help her lifestyle.

TheUnsullied Tue 03-May-16 19:07:37

Do you really need telling that this isn't your place? You've only been with him a few months and have only recently met his DD. confused

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen Tue 03-May-16 19:08:14

Not your place at all unless it's brought up!

dailymailphequers Tue 03-May-16 19:08:40

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

swingofthings Tue 03-May-16 19:09:09

Her mum would have been told when measured at school at the end of year 6. That would have been medical advice. I doubt she and her dad don't know anyway. As already told, not your place to say something, but maybe you can be prepared to be supportive, provide advice etc... if the matter comes up.

libellule1 Tue 03-May-16 19:10:21

No don't say anything.

Ludways Tue 03-May-16 19:12:34

You've just met his dd and you feel the need to point out she's obese, I imagine that would go down like a lead brick. I suggest you focus on her good qualities for s long time yet.

Talcott2007 Tue 03-May-16 19:14:14

You've only been with your DP a short time - think it's a bit soon to be bringing it up right now - there are possibly more factors that you are not aware of so could cause tension between you and DP.
But it does sounds like you are coming from a place of concern - i'd focus on planning activities to take part in all together that will naturally increase excerise but in a fun way without drawing too much attention to it as such - walking or taking bikes in the park, swimming etc also making healthy meals for the whole family

CantWaitForWarmWeather Tue 03-May-16 19:16:38

No definitely don't say anything. Don't make it your issue, especially so early in to the relationship. If she is obese then her parents will have noticed and her weight is their issue as parents to help her with.

dailymailphequers Tue 03-May-16 19:18:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

spanky2 Tue 03-May-16 19:22:10

Surely he will be able to see she's fat?

Lunar1 Tue 03-May-16 19:30:11

You need to stop thinking you know what goes on in someone else's house.

KelleBelle Tue 03-May-16 19:36:01

My youngest has gained a fair few lbs over the last twelve months. I can see that from the clothes she wears.

If someone told me they thought she was OBESE they may be eating through a straw for the foreseeable. Fact!

Scarydinosaurs Tue 03-May-16 19:36:01

Has he pointed out that you are overweight?

It isn't helpful, is it? Unless he is massively ignorant then he will know. You've only been with him an incredibly short space of time. It isn't your place to say anything.

PortiaCastis Tue 03-May-16 19:36:57

Surely you have said this girl measures the same as you ..................

sallyhasleftthebuilding Tue 03-May-16 19:42:34

My DD carries a bit of weight - she's a size 10 but not a skinny 10 for her age

She knows about it - as do her classmates - she gets called names -
She's teased and made to feel bad about herself

Imagine how this would feel coming from a grown up!!!!

She often puts on weight prior to a growth spurt.

If she's the same size as you - perhaps you could lose weight together - why not ask her to help you?

Wdigin2this Tue 03-May-16 22:07:52

This really Is not for you to be involved in. You are in the early stages of your relationship, and any comments about his daughter's weight, will probably not go down at all well with your DP....and who would blame him?!

Bananasinpyjamas1 Tue 03-May-16 22:58:59

He probably is aware. It is very soon to be mentioning anything. I wouldn't at all.

I had a DSD who was overweight, lived full time with us. I never, ever, mentioned her weight. She's not overweight now, DP was fully aware and really helped her to regain her health. After 2 years and living there full time, I did intervene gradually with her hygiene etc - but again only very indirectly and treated very carefully.

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