Just need a rant! Long!(7 Posts)
I don't really know what I hope to gain from this thread, but I just need a rant!
Have 2 DSS (13 & 6) and 2 DC with DP
I am getting so upset for my DSS as their mother cannot seem to hold down a steady relationship!
Obviously what she does in her social life is none of my concern but just feel for the boys!
She previously had a relationship with a very unstable man.. she fell pregnant around the same time as we did with DC1 and she decided to have an abortion. (Completely pro choice so no judgement at all!)
Few weeks after we have DC1 we find out from the boys she is now 6 months pregnant with the same man! They lived in different towns and neither were willing to move. 2.5 years down the line, after many break ups they decided to call it a day. Now he's making her life a living hell and causing her a lot of stress. The boys had a very close relationship with this man and really bonded so it was quite a hard time for them both.
She now has got into a new relationship. After less than a month together she introduce's him & his 3 DC to the boys.
DSS2 is a very sensitive little boy and has obviously found this change hard to deal with. There has been talk of moving houses which both boys feel very anxious about.
DSS1 behaviour has also changed in the last month, very withdrawn and anxious.
DP receive's a text this morning... they have split up...
I just feel so sad for the boys, I really feel like she should have waited some time before introducing them all. Especially after the breakdown of her previous relationship.
I know what she does is none of my concern but when it affects the boys I just feel a little enraged!
If you have made it this far well done! Sorry for the long post
Difficult situation - especially as they are so young.. I suppose all you can do is give them a sense of security when they are with you and your partner.
Unfortunately, you're right....you can have no input in her life, even if it is disruptive for the children! I can imagine how frustrating it is for you, but all you can do is support your DSS's in every way you can, and make sure their lives with you are as stable as possible!
It's not something you can change, OP, but can your DP ask her to hold off from introducing new BFs for a more meaningful time? I realise this is not something that all sparated couples respect but in the interests of the children is it worth a try?
They are at very sensitive ages and I completely understand your concern for them. It must be really unsettling.
Could you have them more often or have them live with you and have contact with their mum?
poor little lads! :/ sorry not much to add but didnt want to read and run, has someone chatted to the boys about how they feel about stuff, make sure theyre handling it ok emotionally?
Sorry haven't replied! Thank you all for your advice... since my original post she has gotten back together with the first man...
We have the boys this weekend so will try and talk to them about how they are feeling about it all.
Both the boys are very close to their mum, especially the 6 yo, he would be very unsettled by the idea of living with us. He constantly asks when he is going home when he is with us because he misses her.
Well OP, that probably confirms that there isn't much you can do! The little one especially seems to have a close bond with his mum, which is good, but maybe he's afraid she may disappear out of his life....with another man? I suppose you could talk generally about how much ALL the grown ups in their lives, love them, and want to spend time with them, perhaps that may give them a chance to voice any concerns they have?!
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